IGUAZU FALLS

WHERE: Iguazu home to the colossal Iguzu Waterfalls

WHERE (less detailed): northern Argentina, at the tip of the skinny pointy finger that prods into Brazil and Uruguay.

WEATHER IS: bright sunshine, overcast, torrential downpour, bright sunshine - and that's all in a single day

TEMPERATURE IS: late 20s to mid 30s

FOOD COSTS: a lot less than in other parts of Argentina. A bottle of Cola is now less than back home. Strangely a bottle of water costs the same as a coke and a massive bottle of beer costs only slightly more. Rhaani and Hoolie are forced to drink beer as for some reason restaurant wine is extremely expensive while beer isn't.

HIGHTLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS:  as Raj rightly points out we appear to have lost our ability to slum it as we travel "primera class" on the 18hr bus ride from Buenos Aires to Iguazu. The bus features seats that recline to almost flat and in-seat televisions (with dodgy 80s music videos). We also receive a flute of champagne and two small bottles of wine ... a fantastic day at the mightily impressive falls, unfortunatey the boat ride around the base of the falls is cancelled.

Guide: "I'm sorry but the boat isn't running at the moment because of what happened three days ago"

Us: "what happened three days ago?"

Guide: "Two people died when the boat overturned, the police are down there now trying to work out what happened."

Rhaani "Crap so we can't go on the boat?"

Paul: "yes Rhaani, unfortunately we can't play Russian Roulette with the deathtrap boat!"

Rhaani "Crap! How unlucky are we? We have the worst timing!"

Paul: "I'm guessing those two dead tourists (a 70-year-old and a 28-year-old) would beg to differ"

... our ￡15 ponchos are fast earning value-for-money status as we watch smugly as the heavens open up and soak all around us .... Paul takes a bee sting for the team (no need for vinegar dad) ... Rhaani contemplates re-turning vegetarian after receiving the worst grilled chicken salad in the world - another Lonely Planet winner - whoever wrote the description of our top-rated Hostel with pool, video room, kitchen, open bar, computer area and BBQ area worked for a London estate agent as the place is a dive with the worst breakfast ever - day old French loaf with tea or coffee!...

...Rhaani refuses to swim in the pool for fear of contracting meningitis ... Rhaani finds a "I love Choripan" t-shirt... moving hostels ... all those hours of teach yourself Spanish might have been worth it as Paul manages to ask for a small role of electrical insulation tape in passable Spanish...Rhaani nearly clocks the receptionist at the new hostel who stops her from bringing beer into the hostel. 

UP NEXT: Salta, wine country, Paul forsees numerous lonely hours minding the shop while Hoolie and Rhaani get hammered while using words like "full bodied" "earthy" and "fruity".

W-trek, Torres del Paine

WHERE: The W-trek, Torres del Paine National Park, Patagonia

WHERE LESS DETAILED: Chile

WHY?: as 40mph winds batter the one-horse town of Puerto Natales and we attend a pre-trek lecture we ask ourselves the same question. The answer is that it was in lonely planet's 1001 places to visit before you die and the photos look awesome. obviously the photos don't capture the cold or wind or the abysmal food we are about to endure over the next 4 days.

FOOD IS: awful. a real let down.  Mindful of the fact there are no tesco locals in the park we advanced book lunch and dinner in the refugios in the park. For ￡12 a packed lunch and ￡17 a dinner you would expect tasty fare but oh no. The only thing Paul can compare it to is the pressure cooker stew his mum used to make (and which Paul that routinely threw out the window into the back garden) or his dad's Saturday afternoon "left-over surprise"...

... Worst still is the 1980s attitude towards vegetarian meals which consists of taking the meat-eating option and simply removing the slab of overcooked beef and plopping some cold tinned button mushrooms ... discovering Puerto Natales is stuck in some sort of Hot Tub time machine timewarp with snow-washed jeans everywhere and 80s hits on repeat in every restaurant ...

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: ... judging by the large number of old people on the trek we reckon it's going to be a walk in the park, which technically it is, but I mean we reckon it will be nice and easy... 30 minutes into the first hill of the trek and we're already sweating bullets and wondering what the hell is going on... within the first climb of the first morning of our first day we decide we’re not really trekkers, and if you could get to these beautiful places on a ski lift, or a golf buggy then we would much prefer that … ah well only another six hours, today, then nine hours tomorrow, then seven the next day, then four the last… we get to see “the towers” and suddenly it’s not all that bad this trekking lark … turns out trekking is very much like pregnancy, the end result seems to make all the hassle worthwhile ... Rhaani’s attempt to cover her entire feet with blisters falls short when we discover a untouched bit between her third and fourth toe … the food continues to plumb the depths …

... by day two we appear to be getting the hang of this trekking lark and are no longer taking off layers and putting jumpers back on … Paul develops his triple threat of headwear with beanie, strange 80s ski-headband and a bandana all taking turns (often within the same hour) … beyond that there’s nothing interesting to say, really. Rhaani’s feet get worse and by the last day she can barely make it up the hill, but hobbles for a couple more miles until she's being overtaken by old people … Paul continues to change his headgear every few steps … the wind at the top of the middle bit of the W is a bit frantic … we camped for a night which wasn’t as cold as we thought although Julie says her feet were freezing … the accommodation continued to be overpriced and the food crap … on our last night we did get to stay in a cool place which had plugs and a tasty spaghetti Bolognese …

...then we finished the W and got the ferry back to the world and some proper food and crap American TV …

UP NEXT: a stops in El Calafate to do some washing then Buenos Aires then onto

PERITO MORENO GLACIER

WHERE: Perito Moreno Glacier, El Calafate

WHERE LESS DETAILED: way down in south Argentina

WEATHER IS: much colder and much windier. Our cold weather gear makes an unwelcome return

TEMPERATURE IS: 5-10

PEOPLE ARE: all artisans apparently. El Calafate probably has a population of 10,000 and easily has 40,000 arts and crafts stores, as well as a daily crafts market. the rest of the town either rents out rooms or offers over-priced food to hungry tourists with no-other-choice.

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS:...flying into the sleepy town of El Calafate in preparation for our highly anticipated Glacier trekking trip ... for sleepy town read town with f@ck all to do, unless you want to shop for arts and crafts... being fussed over by grandma and grandad at our B&B... Rhaani gets protective when an American lady starts complaining to her new grandad... the Perito Glacier from afar (impressive) ... the glacier by sea (very impressive) ... the glacier from on-top (amazing) .... getting our cramp-on ....

... Rhaani's complimentary replacement hiking boots (thanks to an impressive complaint letter from Paul) turn out to be a half-size too small and create new blisters with every step ... walking across 400m of solid deep ice and avoiding shallow looking ice with every second step in case we fall through ...

... Rhaani breaks her crampon in the middle of the ice ....  Paul finds a quiet spot to make yellow snow and writes his name in the ice ... Rhaani and Julie toast the experience with a flask containing high grade ￡2 white wine ... filling up on Empanadas ....

UP NEXT: The W trek

BUENOS AIRES

WHERE: Buenos Aires

WHERE (less detailed): Argentina

WEATHER IS: hot, close to oppressively hot as we slep around the city for five hours

TEMPERATURE: 25-33 degrees

FOOD IS: if you like steak and wine then you'll think you've died and gone to heaven. A big juicy Bief de Lomo steak costs between ￡5-￡10. A good bottle of wine ￡2-￡5. Other food isn't quite so nice and prices aren't too far away from London.

UNEXPECTED JOY: discovering Buenos Airean ice cream. Thanks to the historical influx of Italian immagrants Buenos Aires is seriously blessed with ice-cream making talent.

PEOPLE ARE: very friendly and eager to help. Paul nearly tackles a sweet old old lady who comes across to help us as we consult our map (damn you India for making so distrustful.)

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: After a 36hrs stopover in London we depart for South America up a new traveling companion (Julie "Hoolie" Baxter) but down a laptop power cord (well done Paul)...Paul's continues his winning streak when he ages us all five years after (in a heavily hungover state) he declares - somewhere over the Atlantic - that between UK customs and now he's managed to misplace/lose our wallet which contains our only international debit card and ￡350 cash...

... despite emptying the entire contents of our hand luggage across the plane floor, twice, we come up empty...three hours later and now with a clear head Paul spots the wallet and its contents across the ailes and back a row... we soon realise prices in Argentina have risen somewhat since the currency devaluation when were charged ￡25 for a taxi from the airport to Buenos Aires city..."is it just me or does buenos Aires seem closed to you?"...embarrassingly we discover we've arrived in Buenos Aires during the two day Carnival in which everyone leaves the city... Paul's annoyance as he realises all the hours he's spent on his Learn Spanish tapes only give him two sentances of conversation before e has to play the "speakey de english?" card ...

... visiting Evita's famous balcony... and Evita's grave... and the Evita museum... ingenious homeless woman washing her clothes (with washing powder) in the fountain in front of the Parliament building while cooking dinner on her makeshift BBQ ... watching in stunned silence as the woman at the table next to us starts to breast-feed her five-year-old son (awesome steak by the way)... making the first of what turned out to be daily trips to the quaint San Telmo area... debating whether we could survive a nighttime visit to the La Boca part of town to watch a Boca Juniors football match ...

...Paul's outrage at learning ticket agents charge ￡70 for a ￡6 ticket... a daytime trip to the safe-as-houses Boca area and a tango show ... we enjoy another lonely planet winner as our taxi pulls up at a boarded up restaurant ... discovering the much anticipated spontaneous breakout of street tango dancing has been replaced by surprisingly tuneful samba drum marching bands ... Rhaani's vegetarian status is seriously questioned as she seeks out "Choripan" (sausage sandwiches) at every turn ... we discover the amazing Argentinian ice-cream and the wonderous Dulce de Leche Granizado flavour (caramel choc chip) ...

...Paul discovers even Ice Cream parlors have security guards when he questions the comparative lack of ice cream in his cone... Rhaani telling Paul to man-up after Paul debates whether to ask the security guard if he can use the ice cream parlor's toilet...

UP NEXT: PERITO MORENO GLACIER

BOMBAY - of sorts

WHERE: Bombay

WHERE (less detailed): hell on earth
WHY?: despite changing our return tickets to ensure we spend as little time back in India as possible we still have a 14hr lay-over in Bombay to endure
PEOPLE ARE: truly dreadful. Unhelpful, rude, and then have the cheek to ask why they haven't been given a tip.
WEATHER IS: as befitting the gates of hell.
HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: our short time in Bombay was beset by a quandry. Should we, despite our heavily hungover and sleep deprived state (thank you Brian) spend our last half day in Asia sight-seeing around the slums of Bombay or should we look for a cheap hotel in which to hide away from it all ... in the end we try and see if we can catch an earlier flight back to London ... the gods of sight-seeing are furious at us and send us on a two hour wild goose chase around "Bombay International in the sense that Maralria is an international disease" Airport. Having just left Bangkok's beautiful new, shiny airport Bombays offering is like something you carry a small plastic bag for when walking your dog; half empty lounges, apparently abandoned lounges. Despite their near perfect English the departure hall entrance guards don't seem to understand the idea that despite our flight leaving at 3am tomorrow morning we want to find the Lufhansa desk to ask if there is an earlier flight. thus we are refused entrance to the hall, three times .... instead are ushered to the "waiting room" in which valued passengers can wait for their flights, in a dirty room, without any means of buying food or water, and which you have to pay to use ... so we opt for a cheap hotel near-ish the airport... having agreed a price for the hotel room with the saleman, a price that includes taxes, we arrive at the hotel to face a receptionist who now wants to charge us taxes ... we sit for 30mins waiting to check in ... we then have our bags wrestled from us and are led 30ft to our room. our two "bell hops" then stand silently, each with an upwards palm extended. After a minute they ask "My tip sir"... afraid not .... we order lunch from room service (despite the skanky hotel status they do an excellent butter chicken and parathas) ... "my tip sir" ... still no .... having ordered a taxi hours ago we wait downstairs for 40mins while the clearly annoyed receptionist repeats his yogic mantra "Yes sir, two minutes, yes sir, two minutes", again our bags are wrestled from us and carried 10ft to the car "my tip sir" ... no sudden change in our tipping policy I'm afraid .... we arrive at the airport "my tip sir?", to which Paul inquires "I'm sorry but just how much should I tip the driver who forgets about his fare then turns up 40min late thus ensuring his passengers arrive bang in the middle of the check-in rush? reply: "however much you think sir?" - bad answer ....
UP NEXT: London and a 36hr catch-up

THAILAND

APOLOGIES TO OUR DEDICATED FOLLOWERS BUT AFTER A DRUNKEN NIGHT OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS PAUL STUPIDLY LEFT OUR LAPTOP POWER CORD IN LONDON. AS A RESULT WE'VE BEEN UNABLE TO USE OUR LAPTOP FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS. THANKS TO THE HEROIC EFFORTS OF CHRIS LYONS WE NOW HAVE A POWER CORD AND NORMAL SERVICE SHOULD RESUME. PAUL ADMITS HE IS AN ASS.

WHERE: Chang Mail, Bangkok, Adaman Islands
WHERE (less detailed): Thailand

WEATHER IS: Gorgeously hot.
DAYS: 166-181
FOOD IS: tasty and cheap, cheap, cheap. When a plate of Pad Thai costs £1 and a plate of Thai Green Curry with rice costs a little more you know have no chance of staying off the carbs.

PEOPLE ARE: hassle-free. Thanks to the million and one tourists who have enjoyed Thailand before us we are no longer objects of curiosity nor walking ATM machines.

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: Chiang Mai, the city with nearly as many temples as 7-11 stores ...Rhaani finds the perfect B&B: comfy beds, delicious museli and the crime channel tv station....despite the mid-day heat we walk around town visiting the top 6 temples, then reward ourselves with some fresh passion fruit slushies...

....we also discover the delights of Thailands original 20p Red Bull bottles... we polish up on our culinary skills with a Thai cooking class... visiting Te night market where Paul says he wants to buy a small coin carrying storage unit (a purse says Rhaani)... our three-in-one adventure tour turns out to consist of the lamest White water rafting, the crappest jungle trek (ending at a backgarden water feature/waterfall) and the best elephant ride - cos Rhaani got to sit on the elephants head and feed him banana's from there...

...fly into Phuket, despite this being the place where Kate Moss and Sienna Miller holiday we soon discover it is a complete turd-hole and somewhere to avoid at all costs (especially Patong Beach)...Ko Lanta and Rhaani gets some home comfort with the arrival of Ma Bear and Johnny Boy...relaxing on Li-Los in the Andaman Ocean... Debs shows where Rhaani gets her Evil Kinevil spirit from as she drives her scooter into a ditch, amazingly she escapes with only a few cuts and bruises... snorkelling and Debs is shocked when she discovers a man who can speak 7-languages cannot speak Swahili...

...Ko Yao Yai our luxury resort on one of thailands few remaining undeveloped islands boasts an infinity pool with a stunning view, but ruins the feel-good factor by charging for internet... after 10-days of being spoiled rotten we say goodbye to the folks and fly onto Bangkok... we extend taking in the magnificent temples which Rhaani declares far superior to Chang Mai... a cut-price water cruise... standing to attention during the national anthem in one of Bangkoks luxury cinemas (although Paul contends they can't be called luxury as they fail to offer any pic'n'mix)...

...fighting for bargains at the MBK shopping centre... checking into the dwarf friendly Dream hotel where we counted 5 dwarves on attendance...spending 3hrs to get to the must-visit-even-though-you-know-it's-a-tourist-trap Floatings Markets, which were pretty crappy... a quiet farewell drink on our last night in Asia turns into a classic bender as we meet up with our travel buddy Brian...

SIEM REAP and ANGKOR WAT

thats wat all the fuss is about

WHERE: SIEM REAP and ANGKOR WAT

WHERE (less detailed): north Cambodia

the face looks familiar

WEATHER IS: even more oppressive. Even our tuk-tuk driver turns to us and declares “Man it’s hot today!”
DAYS: 161-165

just in need of a little pruning

PEOPLE ARE: “I can’t look at him,” says Paul of our Angkor Wat guide with the biggest booger in his nose. Despite pointing out the offending item twice, handing him a hankerchief and blowing his own nose in a show of solidarity the booger remained steadfast.
FOOD IS: awesome, we find this beautiful place around the corner from us that does daily BBQ and offers two chicken, onion and green pepper skewers and a pint of beer for £1.40! HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: hard to decide between the stunning temples and our hotel that fails to mention the mosque next door and the associated 6.30am, 12noon, 4pm and 9pm calls to prayer. Probably the temples by a whisker….

as far as the eye can see

...arriving in Siem Reap on a 11hr ‘sleeper’ bus from Lazy Beach. The buses feature seat backs that are at 45 degrees and holes in the seat back infront where you wedge your feet. If you’re a midget its relatively comfortable, if you are allowed to ride the big roller-coasters at fun-fairs its akin to being locked in a small box… fortunately Paul spots a bunk at the front with ample leg room and abandons Rhaani to her sleep….arriving in Siem Reap and being locked in the bus station as whordes of tuk-tuk drivers offer discount fares through the chained gates… the temples themselves are a mixture of spectacular decorative design and ingenuity. The stones used to build the temples all have sizable holes in them from when they were dragged along by elephants from the quarries 50-odd miles away…

the understated east gate

....the whole complex is up there with the Pyramids, Taj Mahal and the Terracotta Warriors….our guide turns out to be a right lazy bugger with his catch-phrase being “you be careful on the climb up there, I wait down here,”…. His repetitive offer of post-sight seeing massage or souvenir shopping ensures we don’t retain his services for the next day… Rhaani loves the drawn-out accents of the venours who offer her Pineappppppple? Mangoooooo, Bananaaaaaaa throughout the day… in yet another effort to escape the heat we head to another swish hotel who must have known we were coming because for $15 they have a swim, lunch and massage offer which we nearly rip their hand off for…

....leaving the city we experience one of those “Well I guess this is travelling moments” when our 10hr bus journey to Bangkok stops 5mins outside the city limits and all the passengers are ushered off our luxury coach and into a school minibus. Of course we are stuck with the temporary, fold-down, cloth dragged over plastic seats, on the bright side we weren’t told to leave the bus by the police (see Huangshu post) so I guess things are on the up…. For once Rhaani’s patience snaps after our bus ride to Bangkok is subjected to an impromptu 3hrs lay-over in a service station just passed the Cambodian border. Our driver and guide both disappear leaving us clueless.
UP NEXT: BANGKOK, Thailand home of luxury air-conditioned, table-serviced, reclining-chair cinemas, and ladyboys.

KEP, KAMPOT and LAZY BEACH

rhaani takes some time to consider lifes bigger questions

WHERE: KEP, KAMPOT, and LAZY BEACH (a small village, a small town and a secluded beach resort)

WHERE (less detailed): South Cambodia
WEATHER IS: still that “frick me its hot” hot, hiding from the sun and hiring scooters to create cooling breeze are the order of the day.

watch out for the shrimp

DAYS: 150-160
PEOPLE ARE: the people of Kampot are angry at Rhaani, who within the first two minutes of getting on her rented scooter she tries to drive it through a shop window. Unable to find the brakes Rhaani takes evasive action and leaps off the bike. Amazingly this works and no real damage was suffered, apart from a cut on Rhaani’s leg.

sometimes you just have to get away from it all

FOOD IS: very good and not so good. A trip to Kep harbor finds us tucking into 15 giant prawns purchased for the princely sum of £4. That night Paul single-handedly attempts to redecorate our bathroom, a task he sticks with until 4am… at first we think it can’t have been the prawns since Rhaani had them too until we remember Paul had 12 while Rhaani ate three… the next day we shun the local bus to Kampot and take a taxi in case of any emergency stops …. our hotel in Kampot boasts the best Pizza in town … annoyingly they also have a ‘kitchen closed on Mondays’ policy so Paul has to venture away from the bathroom…. On Lazy beach very good and very fair, for the only show in town they don’t jack up the prices too much and the food (especially the Pad Thai) was very good.

and relax

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: without a doubt the Lazy Beach experience. We booked ourselves in for five days and thought we’d be bored after two nights, in the end we could have stayed there for another week…Rhaani’s headphones are savaged by a nocturnal guest in the room….Paul discovers a back to basics Prison Yard style gym overlooking the beach… Rhaani discovers a big inflatable turtle floaty… Rhaani discovers she’s a natural at chess…for once Paul fails to sleep through the night, the source of this unrest? A pair of rutting mice who had managed to burrow into our mattress … Rhaani shifts to the other bed in the room while Paul attacks the rat bed with a broom…Rhaani remains awake the rest of the night watching the mosquito net around our bed twitch, Paul returns to his slumber…the next day we move rooms…. It’s a tribute the whole experience that we still really enjoyed the time there and laughed off the mice/rats experience….

home on the range

UP NEXT: SIEM REAP and the ANGKOR WAT temples.

PHNOM PENH

WHERE: Phnom Penh and the Killing Fields

WHERE (less detailed): capital of Cambodia

DAYS: 145-149

PEOPLE ARE: pretty damn cheery considering their country seems to have been used as the local crapper for the past 40 years. Tuk-tuk drivers seem to have been given the heads-up by Indians on how to annoy tourists. There is a ridiculously high number of them for a city that, apart from the Killing Fields, has quite centralized sights.

CURRENCY IS:  bizarrely dollar-centric. The local currency has been relegated to change status (4000riel = $1) but everything else in dollars.



finally we get to experience travelling Chicken class

WEATHER IS: Hot, damn hot. Entering into Cambodia we hit that sunshine-wall we had hoped to find in north Vietnam. Suddenly its high 30s and the easiest of tasks seems to require Herculean levels of effort.

FOOD IS: Not quite as good as Vietnam. Paul shows he really has no sense of shame when he kicks up a fuss in a “doing it for the street-kids” charity restaurant when his $7 Cambodian beef curry arrives with vegetable-less broth and four small chunks of beef. The shocked maitre d returns the dish to the kitchen and reappears with an extra three pieces of beef and an impressive collection of Cambodian saliva…  

makes a change from 'No Ball Games'

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS:

Not sure you can call the Killing Fields and the s-21 prison (a former school) a highlight but it was certainly both disturbing and moving. Quite a lot less disturbing, though still a little off, is the fact the Killing Fields monument has been sold to a private Japanese firm who run it for profit. Thankfully the Japanese had refrained from erecting a giant Godzilla monument in a show of empathy… the fact that four of the bigwigs in charge of the Khmer Rouge are due to go on trial this year makes it all the more vivid…

just when you thought being picked last meant going in goal

....interestingly all the leaders of the Khmer Rouge seem to have been sent to French universities to study as teachers….the sight of hundreds of human heads stacked on top of each other and row upon row of burial pits is not one that sits well …on a brighter note the Palace in Phnom Penh is absolutely beautiful and features some of the best architecture we’ve seen so far….the city museum is pretty special too… Paul returns to his childhood holidays when we hunt around to find swanky hotels whose pool we can use....

winner of the Daily Mail's "design a prison for immigrants and paedophiles" contest

....walking along the boardwalk we see the best example of the ingenuity of the have-nots; the kids playing football have shunned the British “jumpers for goalposts” system and instead are using the impressive “Jim, you and Mark are the posts for this half” system. Best of all was when one “post” was struck in the jingle-janglies by the ball as we walked passed… Paul’s all too fleeting display of compassion quickly turns to anger when Rhaani points out that the Australian he just gave $5 to wasn’t shaking because he was stressed about having his passport and wallet stolen but instead was jones-ing for a drug fix…

UP NEXT: the sleepy coastal towns of Kep and Kampot