Friday, 28 January 2011

YANGSHOU

NOTICE: Apologies to our devoted followers for our failure to keep you up to date with our whereabouts. We can only point the finger of blame towards the diminutive and quite frankly pointless Raj Malalgoda for putting himself, his health and his full-time career first once again. We appreciate we must take some of the blame for putting your entertainment in the hands of such a man. In our defence it was with the twin pillars of non-discrimination and equal-opportunity that we sought to hire someone so obviously short. Stereotypes exist for a good reason and we should never have forgotten this. Now, safe in the knowledge that we won't be travelling through another Communist-run country we have relieved Raj from his duties - Raj you're useless and you're fired - and from here on we will have sole responsibility for the posting of forthcoming blogs*

I don’t know why but suddenly I really feel like some Sweet and Sour Chicken and a Special Fried Rice
 WHERE: Yangshou, as featured in every Chinese restaurant in Britain, is home to the iconic image of fisherman on the river in the shadow of huge rolling hills.
WHERE (less detailed): Southern China, just a little bit above Vietnam.
DAYS: 117-122

when the bus terminal looks this picturesque you know you’re in for a treat
WEATHER IS: a little cold and misty the day we arrive and mistier and colder the longer we stay. By day three we decide we’re happy enough gazing at the scenery from inside our super-warm room.
TEMPERATURE IS: around the 0-5degree c mark.

beats Haddington on a rainy December day
PEOPLE ARE: thanks to the amazing setting of our secluded hotel we don’t really know. The crowds at the Light Show are retarded with a good 20% turning up 10 minutes into the show and the same number leaving before it finished. But worst of all is their sheep-like willingness to follow the leader despite all logic dictating otherwise. It became a game to see how many people would follow each other to the two empty seats half-way along the row in front of us. We got three sixes, two sevens and one winning eight, all working under the misguided conceptions that seats, much like embryonic cells, divide and multiply at staggering rates.

follow me, I see a seat
FOOD IS: fantastic and bountiful in our hotel. Especially the Satay Chicken which we ended up having four out of the five nights we were there.
A BEER COSTS: £1 in our hotel's bar.
HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS:
After experiencing the most brutal snoring in China we arrived in Yangshou with what could only be described as shell-shock. I’ve never been on a battlefield but I feel 100% confident that I could attend a support group for combat-scarred war veterans and not feel out of place.  The Chinaman who shared our cabin was such a violent snorer that his family had actually exiled him from their birth and forced him upon us. Despite personally-moulded, noise-isolating headphones and iPods on full blast we heard him throughout the night. Our only respite was when Paul went to the bathroom and “accidentally” grabbed his duvet and pulled it off him and only the floor…. the view from our room and balcony, set 3km outside the town our hotel was as fantastic and idyllic setting as one could hope to find

room with a view
…while stunning is fast becoming our most over-used words Yangshou is simply stunning…. once again China reinforces its case for being named our most-favouritist country, ever… the Li River boat cruise, chosing from one of the thousand empty homemade mock-bamboo, hairdryer powered boats that pootle along the river…

Rhaani tries to hide the strain of travelling around the world
…our cookery course that took us to Yangshou market, we finally get to see the gruesome live markets that I remember from travel programmes in my youth… live chickens, ducks, rabbits, but best of all cats - and not the mangy stray type, probably the cutest fluffy little ball of fur cats I’ve seen…unfortunately also a strung up dog… the lady in the corner with the big cleaver you take your living purchases to for “packaging”….

Remember people, a kitten’s not just for Xmas…you can also have use it for sandwiches on Boxing Day and if you put it in the fridge early enough in a curry for the 27th.


Asia's very own Cruella de Vil

…the 20km bicycle ride in freezing conditions was definitely a low-light…Rhaani’s Big Love addiction takes hold as she devours 3 seasons in 5 days….the heavens open up as we take our seats from the Yangshou Light Show. The show was directed by the same guy who did the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony. About 600 villagers take part in the show which goes some way to explaining why the touts in town are the least persistent in China.

THE CHINESE EAT WHAT?: household pets clearly

where are they now? - no.34, Lassie

UP NEXT:  Vietnam


* In the event that we do enter another country that blocks our access to blogger.com and need someone to post these inane ramblings, Raj me old mucka you know I was only kidding. We think the world of you and appreciate all your help. Oh and also we both recognise that at the grand height of 5ft 2inch you are 4inches over the legal height limit for dwarfism. Thus, in our eyes, at least, you will always be a giant amongst men.

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