VARANASI

like a chameleon Paul blends effortlessly into his surroundings with his "misguided westerner seeks enlightenment" look

Where: Varanasi (city of the Holy Ganges river, a river so holy people piss, shit and dump bodies in it and also use it to wash away their sins) - and getting there

now you're sure we can get out from the top of the temple if the water rises

Where (less detailed): North East India

just don't drink the water

Weather: cloudy, leaving us just needing snow for our full house of weather cards.

Temperature: about 35*

inspiring morning boat-ride, just a pity about the 5.30am start

Food: pizza, Thai green curry, chicken snitzels, bread rolls, chicken tempura – after a month of curry all we wanted was something non-Indian

Rhaani enjoys a leisurely constitutional

Locals: most persistent postcard selling boy known to man, "I liked him" says Rhaani yet she told him his postcards were ugly and never bought a single one...Paul falling for the frail old homeless lady needs food to live act, every day, she reminded me of my gran...

"What's new pussycat"

Price of a beer: to Rhaani’s daily disgust Varanasi is a dry city

Varanasi's busy streets empty as a city-wide curfew is introduced

Adventures/Highlights/Lowlights: for our 13hr overnight train ride to Varanasi we decide to treat ourselves and go 2nd class AC sleeper, but with no slots left we had no choice but to go with 3AC sleeper, (the number 2 and 3 refers to how many beds in a booth, 2 means bunk beds and 3 means triples and if you sit up too fast you knock your head on the ceiling)....so we get on the train and find our beds successfully only to discover that our top bunk means no storage space for our bags so we have to sleep on our backs with our knees at a vertical right angle - you were so right Go-to-Jo - just when we get comfortable (in the absolute loosest sense of the word) some Indian guy pulls open our curtain, turns on our light and tells Rhaani she's in his bunk, five minutes of angry ticket waving and shouting later another guy is dragging out our bags away saying we've been upgraded to 2AC without anyone thinking to inform us - the guy isn’t wearing a uniform so dreading this is yet another scam. Amazingly it turns out to be true and we have space for bags and our bodies....Paul sleeps for a relaxing 8hrs....Rhaani manages 3hrs while dodging cockroaches....our 13hr journey ended up being 15hrs with our breakfast being served at 2pm, about an hour before we alighted...

our nearly complete rooftop restaurant, be ready tomorrow we're told

Varanasi easily dethrones Amritsar in the worlds narrowest streets stakes as we stumble thru cow-lined alleyways to our hotel....Paul throwing a wobbly when we arrive at our "tripadvisor no1 choice" hotel .... holy towels and bedsheets in the holy city.... breakfast amongst the bags of rubble on the roof "don't worry everything will be finished by tomorrow"... sorry you're leaving "please forget about the problems with the hotel".... finally find somewhere tolerable as we split our time in Varanasi between two of the cities finest hotels...tuk-tuk drivers who just drop you in random alleyways pointing in the general direction of where you agreed he would drive you to…“you take my money” cried the tuk tuk driver after paul stormed off without paying yelling “wedge it!”.…



you're meant to be cleaning your chakra not playing with your moobs

 finding a startling authentic yoga instructor, complete with chimes, chanting, incense and references to penus's and basginas (penis and vagina) during course of 8 classes Paul stubbornly tries to refuses to use bolsters, Rhaani sticks out Tongue and growls like lion, learning about our 7-holes and where to place foot to close anus, Rhaani left speechless after she tried to compliment instructor after class "thanks I really enjoyed that", "I don't like that, my job is not to make you enjoy yoga but to teach you yoga, a while back I would have cared if you liked it, now I don't care", "um, okay then"

burn baby burn

...Paul suffering from a killer case of Yogic trots ©….paul recreats Steve McQueen cooler scene in The Great Escape as his trots confine him to a sweatbox toilet for 15mins in….being confined to the hotel during state-wide lock down as the state awaits the decision on ownership of a disputed nearby holy ground - hurry up Paul go out and take a photo of the quiet streets, just don't get shot.... a 5:30am boat ride up to the burning ghat....seeing grandmas feet sticking out from funeral pyre... fantastic show of respect from boy trying to sell postcards a foot away from the body... after visiting main ghat decide our sightseeing is over for India and retreat back to hotel and yoga...four people drown in Ghats during our stay in city, god knows how many poison themselves in river daily...nearly forgot this is heaven for hippy burnouts, I’ve never seen so many white people with dreadlocks, I even overheard a girl in our hotel telling her friend "I love the sound of the sitar too, I feel my shakra is out to here at the moment....

Rhaani gets as close to the maelstrom as she can stand

Where next: Katmandu and our much-anticipated 14-day Annapurna trek.