AGRA - TAJ MAHAL

Where: Agra (Taj Mahal) and getting there


Where (less detailed): Uttar Pradesh region India

Weather: good solid sunshine, no rain for once

Temperature: mid 30's

Food: absolutely dreadful, the dude who had the Taj built supposedly brought 20,000 craftsmen into the town. I reckon the wages were so good every chef became a stonemason, the legacy being the town that culinary decency forgot -not a single decent meal: Rhaani's museli was cornflakes with a sliced banana on top, Paul stuck with chicken biryani and they still messed that up!

Locals: probably worst since arrival

Price of a beer: £2.50 for curryhouse sized Kingfisher.

Adventures/Highlights/Lowlights: after our 8hr, 5:10am AC chair class journey into Delhi we made the mistake of thinking we could cope with the down-grade to non-ac coach for the alleged 2hr (=4hrs) trip to Agra. Thus ended Paul's love-affair with slumming it on Indian trains.... Arrived in Agra to discover it runs Jaipur a close second in the shit-hole stakes.....next discovered the 600IR (£8.60) sister hotel recommended by our full first-choice hotel ran Jaipur a close third in the shit-hole stakes....our hotel's rooftop Taj Mahal view, if you stand just in front of the septic tank, crane your neck, now go onto your toes and close your left eye...after putting up with the dry city of Amritsar enjoying a nice cold bottle of Kingfisher - albeit only after we moved to a hideaway table and wrapped our beer in napkins....

Rhaani takes the role of Harem girl to replicate the Ludo game Shah Jahan played with his women as pieces

...successfully running the 1km gaintlet of touts, tuktuk drivers and souvenir vendors that ran from our hotel to the Taj Mahal East Gate only to discover they'd recently moved the East Gate ticket office back, to just around the corner from our hotel...rerunning the gauntlet....finding the best/worst guide for the Taj, despite only knowing four facts about the palace he had us in fits of laughter as he was like David Bailey with roid rage, taking us to all the best picture locations and literally pushing other tourists and guides out of the way...agreeing the Taj rightfully deserves its 7th wonder of world tag...

Paul gets a more convenient haircut...Agra Fort, where dude who built Taj was imprisoned by his son. Hardly a punishment considering he had a 2,000-strong harem for company in the sprawling 3 acres white marble palace...Fatapuhr Sikri mosque and palace...free entry to the impressive mosque means a new high for hassling - which made Rhaani break her own "no swearing at the touts" rule...our attempt to haggle fails spectacularly when we offer £10 for £200 marble drinks coasters.

People who agree Bono is a twat: 5

Things Lost/Stolen: still nothing, but I discovered i threw away some rechargeable batteries when i ditched my useless electric shaver

Where next: Varanasi - where they dump cremated bodies in river through the city, so like the Londons east end, only with cremation and without concrete blocks