SHANGHAI and the place that features on the back of the 1 Yuan note.

Rhaani manages to escape the crowds, for a second

WHERE: SHANGHAI

WHERE (less detailed): still CHINA

DAYS: 85-91

WEATHER IS: sunny and a little bit cloudy. Not shorts and t-shirt sunny but light jumper sunny. Much like London at the moment I bet. 

TEMPERATURE IS: 18-20 degrees

PEOPLE ARE: oblivious to the concept of personal space and unable to walk five foot without bumping into each other. Its’s like the entire city has signed up for a life-long game of Pinball. It truly unsettling - and this is coming from someone who’s lived in London for 13 years. Take the tube for example. In London there will be the rude few who try and squeeze into the carriage before those onboard have had a chance to depart. Here it’s everyone, common sense - and a basic understanding of physics, dictates it’s far easier to occupy a space when nothing is already occupying it. What makes Shanghai tube even stranger is this urgency doesn’t come from a need to be somewhere fast. As soon as the locals depart the train (through an equally dense mass of bodies) they slowly amble towards the escalator and wait as it slowly rises. No-one walks up the escalator. In addition people are happy to wait in the middle of the throng to get onto the escalator rather than walking up the empty stairs. This lack of urgency continues in the concourses. No-one walks with any urgency and yet they find numerous ways of walking into you. It is incredibly infuriating.

admiring the view: of the cocktail menu.

FOOD IS: starting to retreat into what we can make ourselves. We’ve become the travelling equivalent of the 'A-team locked in a barn' scene. Only we’re trapped in a hotel room with peanut butter, a breadknife, crunchy museli and half a tub of strawberry yoghurt. Much like in India we’ve found there comes a point when eating out becomes more of an ordeal than a treat. The enjoyment and sense of achievement that follows struggling through a game of pointing and dining room charades is outweighed by the length of time and effort it takes to order the exciting and unusual food as well as the fact that most of the meat is a) still on the bone b) consists more of fat than meat.

HENCE - Paul’s readiness to throw off the shackles of his tight Northerner/Scottish roots and pay £18 a head for lunch at the uber-swanky Shangri-La hotel. We took more-than-full advantage of the all-you-can-eat Dim Sum lunch special (83 dishes on offer). In fairness we did find some excellent cheap take-away sushi in a shopping centre.

room for a wafer-thin mint?

A BEER COSTS: £7 in the Jinmao Tower bar, £1 elsewhere.

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: the surreal location of the Chinese Propaganda Poster Museum. Again Lonely Planet deserves a slap. The museum is actually housed in the basement of a housing block in the middle of a council estate. As you follow small hand-drawn directions you start to worry that there is no poster museum and instead you’ve been lured into a trap by a fanatical Communist who’s hiding in the shadows with a huge sword and a hatred for Imperialist Western scum who dare call the party’s artwork “propaganda”. Lonely Planet makes absolutely no reference to the bizarre location....the 83-variety Dim-Sum lunch....the Louvre style underground Apple Store...Paul gets to workout in a proper gym! Albeit a proper gym situated on the seventh floor of a shopping centre. Tries and (only just) manages a 100kg 1RM bench press....cocktails on the 87^th floor of the Jinmao Tower (another poor Lonely Planet tip as the Grand Hyatt welcoming bar on the 59^th floor had much better views and the drinks must have been cheaper (although Rhaani maintains her cocktail was awesome and worth every Yuan)....the impressive skyline view from the Bund...Paul nearly buys a pair of attachable roller skates after the street vendor lowers her price from £20 to £3 - surely everything becomes useful when it costs £3...our patience for Chinese maps wears thin after walking for hours to find the “first meeting of the Communist party” building...the inconceivable number of shopping centres and major western department stores in the city. There are currently two Nike and three Louis Vutton’s stores per person in the city, with plans for more....Rhaani defies all logic and manages to fit into a child’s small Reece’s Peaces t-shirt....

also in made in adult sizes, not that we'll ever need it

....we find a Tesco local mini-market but to Paul’s dismay it doesn’t stock soft chewy American-style chocolate chip cookies...Paul hastily backs down in a confrontation with four (possibly off duty soldiers) queue jumpers at the train station....

Waiting for the Great Leap Forward

UP NEXT: Huangzhou, home of the image on the back of the 1 Yuan note.

  

following the money trail

WHERE: HUANGZHOU, home of the image on the back of the 1 Yuan note.

WHERE (less detailed): still CHINA

DAYS: 92-93

WEATHER IS: cloudy when we arrive but beautiful sun the first day (t-shirt weather). A little cold and cloudy the second day but the sun comes out soon enough.

just like the Serpentine, without the ice

TEMPERATURE IS: 24-28 degrees

PEOPLE ARE: nice enough. We’re here for two days and no-one bumps into us so by Shanghai standards they’re saints.

FOOD IS: a huge improvement on our low-rent Shanghai options. We find some more sushi and some predominantly fat meat. We also manage to buy the most carbohydrate-laden lunch from a local supermarket with bread, rice and dumplings for about £2.... A BEER COSTS - £1.50 for a small beer in the hostel bar. By far the most expensive we’ve had in a hostel so far.

"You know Manny Mallet, right?"

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS:  the magnificently comfortable and newly constructed high speed train link between Shanghai and Huangzhou. Train speeds approach 300kmph and stations resemble airports...just over an hour later and despite a few wrong turns we arrive in peaceful quant massive lake featuring Haungzhou old town - just across the road from the Porsche dealership and a little bit along from the Ferrari and Maserati dealerships...taking a wander down to the park and lake...

... It’s a delightfully relaxing place with obligatory weeping willow tree over the water’s edge... cynical Paul instinctively thinks the people doing tai chi in shiny satin pyjamas must be some sort of local buskers but soon realises they’re just out enjoying the lake... we decide Lonely Planet’s recommendation to cycle around the lake sounds like a great idea and go and hire bikes.... we discover you can’t cycle around the lake...we return our bikes and go back to walking around the lake...Paul’s hunt for the water-pots that feature on the 1 Yuan note begins...

KUNG PO CHICKEN!

...taking a boat ride to the island in the middle of the lake to find the water pots...after 10 minutes and 40 different positions Paul declares the images on the back of the 1 Yuan note is fake... Rhaani witnesses a street fight...Paul’s Kung Po Chicken t-shirt continues to cause much hilarity, especially in the hostel’s restaurant when he orders Kung Po chicken...great food but massively overpriced drinks ...

its a bloody fake!

UP NEXT: the much anticipated Zhangjiajie National Park. Inspiration for the scenery in Avatar.