XIAN and around

 

the world’s hardest jigsaw puzzle

WHERE: FORMER Chinese capital city XIAN and surrounding area including the Terracotta Warriors and Hua Shan mountain

WHERE (less detailed): still the People’s Republic of China

now that’s the sort of view you expect after climbing for 4hrs

WEATHER: surprisingly lovely clear sunshine

TEMPERATURE: 16-19

no idea what the ribbons are for but they improve pics of Paul no end

FOOD IS: a lot nicer than in Chengdu. Ate at two of the Lonely Planet recommended spots including one place where we ordered a 3.8m long piece of noodle in some soup. You’re still expected to use chopsticks to cut and eat it. Cue numerous soup stains on t-shirts. Went to another soup place where you are given big hard discs of bread which you have to break up into your bowel then return to the waitress who then pours the lamb and garlic soup onto the crumbled bread. Unfortunately we had no idea of this ritual so sat for 40mins waiting for them to bring the soup while they waited for us to break up the bread.


So that’s how it’s done

A PINT of BEER COSTS: between 40p and £3.50 depending on which bar/club you buy them at.

LOCALS: again pretty friendly. All the staff in the hostels speak pretty good English. None of the taxi drivers do while the serving staff in shops are just as bad. We have discovered a way around this and managed to buy a presentation laser pen which we use to point at the picture menus behind the counters.

“Darkness falls across the land, the midnight howlers close at hand....”

HIGHLIGHTS, LOWLIGHTS: We meet our first travel buddy; Brian a 42-year-old San Franciscan surgeon whose taking 12 months off to try and satisfy his fetish for Oriental ladies, he shows us his two girlfriends back in California, both nurses and of Vietnamese heritage. He also spends 50 per cent of his time with us texting the four Chinese ladies he has met so far in China...

tell me Rhaani, is that an Asian name?

...the Terracotta Warriors, the place looks nothing like you imagine but is inspiring nonetheless, interestingly only one warrior was found intact and the rest have allegedly been painstakingly put back together. Considering there were 7,999 broken warriors I can’t help but think a few archaeologists shaved a little piece off here and jammed in a piece in there to speed matters up...

paul with carefully “restored” warriors

...on our first big night out in China Rhaani accidently leads us into to a Chinese Strip Club (old habits die hard), Rhaani’s bad luck continues as she first is left to fend off (more fight then fend) the advances of an overly amorous Chinese ‘businessman’ and then is served “the most disgusting glass of wine I’ve ever tasted” - although she did manage to struggle her way to the bottom of the bottle...

Xian city centre, a bit more impressive than Centre Point (but admittedly lacking a pool club).

...as Rhaani shakes off a cold Brian drags a still hungover Paul out for a second night in a row. Paul and Brian go to an ash-tray of a Chinese nightclub - a lit cigarette seems to have replaced Chairman Mao’s little red book in popular culture as no local is seen without one all night. At the club Brian tells Paul he knows basic Chinese and orders the beers. “I think it’s cheaper if you buy 6 bottles,” he says. “Okay, I think I can managed my three” replies Paul. Brian orders and Paul’s heart sinks as the waitress brings over a case of 24 beers and loads them on the table in front of him...

a little bit nicer than Primrose Hill or Arthur’s Seat

...finding the single-most annoying Canadian ever next to us on our visit to the Terracotta Warriors, despite boasting that he had a major hangover he didn’t shut up for the entire trip... talking to an Italian guy who paid £55 for a Chinese imitation iPhone 4. Apart from the shell it was laughably poor... taking a relaxing 14km bike ride on the old city wall - Jaipur take note... visiting Hua Shan Mountain, home to some classic and frightening Chinese scenery...

okay mum whatever you do, don’t look down

...after being scared rigid by some old travel blogs describing wood planks around sheer drop mountains we take the “easy” route up the mountain and find ourselves faced with 2km of the steepest steps we’ve ever seen...

...Paul shows he’s a true “glass is half full” type of person when, bearing in mind our last mountain experience was blighted by thick fog, he says “It’s just a shame it’s such a lovely day, we could have done with a bit of fog...

all I’m saying is that with a little fog it could look spectacular

...Paul and Rhaani show that despite becoming worldwide bloggerstars they still find time for the little people...


...Paul and Rhaani get into the swing of Chinese bartering in the Muslim quarter, we offer £2 for everything, despite starting prices of as much as £83, we manage to pick up a Chairman Mao t-shirt, a chairman Mao watch, two pairs of sunglasses and a wallet...

TRAVELLERS TIT-BIT: the Terracotta Warriors were discovered by this farmer who was trying to build a well. He then generously “donated” his land to the government and in return was allowed to sit in the Terracotta Warrior gift shop where he signs autographed pictures of his book. I can’t really see too many twists in that one: “I were digging a great big hole and I found a pottery statue, then the bastard government stole me land. The end.” Also every single warrior has a different face and was based on an real life soldier - who was then killed by the mad-as-a-hatter emperor.

bastard government

MOST RECENTLY LOST: at the end of the 24 beer night Paul was convinced he had lost his iPhone only to find it recharging in the room. After a few minutes caressing his beloved Paul returned to Rhaani and went to bed.

PRICE PAID FOR PAUL’s BARGAIN CHAIRMAN MAO WATCH: £2

MINUTES UNTIL PAUL’s BARGAIN CHAIRMAN MAO WATCH STOPPED WORKING: 15, but it does work if you wind it up every 15mins

it’s working again, no it’s not, yes it is, no it’s...

***new feature****

SACK THE TRANSLATOR: sign found at top of Hua Shan mountain

I know the trek up is tiring but really I’m fine just admiring the view.

UP NEXT: Pingyao, setting for the incredibly boring, arty chick-flick “Raise the Red Lantern.”