BEIJING AND SURROUNDING AREA

******Note: thanks to the utter and inexcusable selfishness of our so-called friend Raj Malagoda, who clearly believes his two week sunshine break in Sri Lanka and the Maldives is more important than the hugely honourable job of updating our blog, we have been unable to relay the exciting and educational details of our trip for the last two weeks. For our avid readers’ loss we are truly sorry. Thankfully our new best friend Julie “Hoolie” Baxter has stepped into the breach and we are now able to bring you a new, if slightly belated post. A huge thanks to Julie**********



Well of course they had to forbid ordinary people entrance, there’s hardly enough space as it is.

 WHERE: BEIJING

WHERE (less detailed): still CHINA

DAYS: 75-82

WEATHER IS: apart from one day in which the temperature dropped, the wind picked up and our ancestors’ bones were frozen we’ve been pretty lucky and mainly enjoyed crisp sunshine.

managing to avoid the crowds

TEMPERATURE IS: -2 – 10 degrees


PEOPLE ARE: supposedly the dodgiest in China but if this is the worst they get the Chinese better not holiday in India or they’ll be torn apart. One of Beijing’s more heinous tourist “scams” involves some “students” inviting you to their “college art show” and when you arrive at the gallery it turns out to be an ordinary art gallery where they try and flog you some paintings - oh the humanity, can people really be that devious?

Nifty forbidden city architecture

FOOD IS: gorgeous and best of all most menu’s have ENGLISH translations. Apart from one day when we wandered off the beaten track and found ourselves in a small local diner. We thought we’d be pretty safe since the menu featured pictures and the ordering system simply required you to tick the corresponding dish. But for some reason we had our non-English speaking waitress in fits of laughter as we failed to understand the one question she had in Mandarin. Even with her talking louder and clearer we strangely still didn’t understand. Culinary highlight was split between the high-end Peking Duck, the £1.80 stir-fried beef and noodles we found in a shopping centre food court and the 10x 10p dumplings we devoured at the Summer Palace.

what’s hot

and what’s not

BEER COSTS: £1 for a litre of house beer at our Hostel, 29p for a 500ml of Diet Coke


HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: our continual embarrassment at the state of the London Underground in comparison to Beijing’s. A trip anywhere in the city sets you back 20p. In addition all stations are bright and clean and feature flatscreen TV’s on the platforms, in the trains and on some of the tunnel walls....




look away now if you don’t want to know the football scores, just don’t look out the window

....we soon discover the sun in this city is much like a Panda’s ass, no matter which building you try and photograph the sun always seems to be shining into your lens ... the royalty in this country are nothing if not self-indulgent - Mariah Carey’s interior designer is the picture of understated modesty in comparison. They had the gigantic Forbidden City for winter, the massive Summer Palace for when things got a little too hot and the huge Temple of Heaven Park for when they fancied a little pray. All of which is decorative beyond imagination....

The Summer Palace, because sometimes you just have to find a little space in which to escape the pressures of Emperorship

....nearly ruining our first impression of Tiananmen Square by nearly using it as a shortcut to the supermarket.

Now I know it’s a little bigger than we first discussed but I still think it captures my unassuming and modest nature.

..Paul starts his research into the city’s best Peking Duck....nearly getting to see the bloated corpse of Chairman Mao without joining the mile long queue...Paul eats fried scorpion (better than brain)...a visit to the highly politicised Police Museum where we see a Chinese photofit machine. Not sure of its effectiveness: suspect’s hair colour - black, eyes - dark brown, skin - light brown. Right, punch that into the database and we’ve immediately narrowed our search down to 1.2billion... visiting Silk Street market, just a nasty big market with pretty ugly counterfeit goods...our first cinema visit for 10 weeks...Paul continues his research into Beijing’s best Peking Duck...






c’mon Rhaani, I swear there’s an expensive shoe shop just over this hill

 ....Great Wall trip, Great hike, Great views, shame about company, two English tourists who declare at the free lunch “I’m not eating any of this foreign crap.”....Beijing Acrobatic troupe, absolutely fantastic, think Glee meets Cirque de Solei. The acrobats were 9-18years old and while the difficulty level of their tricks was easily a match for Cirque they were unpolished enough for you to realise just how hard it was to pull them off. The best thing was that they missed a few marks at the start of the show so when they built up to the dangerous stuff and brought out crashmats and you thought “Hang on, someone could take a nasty fall here.” Much like having a go on a rickety old rollercoaster where at every corner you swear you can feel two wheels coming off the track or the bolts coming loose. 90mins flew past. So so impressed....

less polish = more entertainment

Paul narrows down his Peking Duck search to 4 finalists....we discover every female Chinese tourist has a photography pose...visiting the Olympic city, Stratford has a lot to live up to.




Stratford 2012?

...we finally try the little clay pots with paper lids that can be found at every street vendour, Turns out they’re yoghurt and cost 20p with a 10p deposit for the clay pot....Paul’s plan to beat the Mao Maueseleum queues by forcing us to arrive at 8am on Sunday turns out to be the same one adopted by another 1,000 chinese tour groups, back to bed....Paul finally decides on our Peking Duck destination. Shunning the popular Quanjude and other recommendations we arrive at DaDong Duck, home of the low-fat, low grease Duck. Absolutely fabulous. The service was pretty terrible. Despite making a reservation and telling them we wanted the duck special we had to wait 1hr for them to cook the duck when we arrived. But it was worth it. Fantastic duck and exquisite pancakes, Moonlight Chinese takeaway on Queenstown Road will never be the same again

Rhaani assumes the position

....the unbelievable disparity in height between ordinary citizens and soldiers on patrol. There must be an army barrack filled with mad scientists and stretching racks somewhere......an American who exemplifies the “loud and dumb” stereotype arrives at our hostel....finally get to see Mao and are rushed through in less than a minute, we spent more time emptying our pockets at security than we did looking at his bloated face....Paul buys a novelty t-shirt with Kung Pao Chicken written on it in Mandarin and within 30mins is using it to try and order food in four no-speakey de English restaurants...just as we’re just about to leave Beijing by train Rhaani is pulled out of our compartment by a manic steward with a camera. At first we worry there is something wrong with our tickets or maybe we’ve taken the wrong beds. Turns out China-Rail have read our blog and want to capitalise on our new-found fame by using Rhaani in their promotional material...

this soldier only appears in the photo because he’s 9ft tall

NEXT: thanks to the unreliability of WL Tay we’re deviating from our original plan to go to Shanghai and instead are heading on a 20hr train ride to Huangshan mountain home to sights such as Purple Cloud Mountain and White Goose ridge.


THINGS LOST: Rhaani’s pair of Teva all-terrain hiking sandals.


THINGS STILL IN LIMBO: our £5 deposit for our hostel in Pingyao which we forgot to collect before we left. So far the hostel has been reluctant to post it to us and are now ignoring our emails.

PINGYAO and DATONG and surrounding

 

beats wallpaper

WHERE: two relatively unimpressive cities situated between Xian and Beijing, only noteworthy as jump-offs for the impressive sights that surround them.

WHERE (less detailed): still the People’s Republic of China

howdy there

WEATHER: brisk at best, absolutely bloody freezing at worst. First snow sighting

TEMPERATURE: -5 to 10

steep, even by San Francisco standards

FOOD IS: pretty good. In both towns we managed to find restaurants with pictures on the menu and thanks to the English/Chinese translator we downloaded from the iStore we asked (non-verbally of course) if the dish contains chicken. On the downside we ordered Chicken Knuckles.

Rhaani enjoys a quick bite with her peeps

A PINT of BEER COSTS: 50p for a 500ml of Snow beer.

LOCALS: our first real negative experience. We came out of Datong train station and agreed a price for a cab to our hotel. We sat in the car for a while until we realised the driver’s wife was trying to fit another two people into the car. After some shouting we drove off only to pull a U-turn five minutes down the road as we returned to the train station where two more customers were waiting. After more unintelligible shouting we drove off. We found out the next day that we still paid x3 the metred rate for the journey.

put your back into it foreigner

HIGHLIGHTS, LOWLIGHTS: sharing a soft-sleeper compartment with the Chinese Men’s Doubles Snoring champions...a leisurely bike ride around the smallest town in China turns into a 2hr hunt for the post office... finding a supermarket which sells the tastiest of dumplings for 4p each...Paul fears our blogs might have drawn the attention of the Chinese government as we are unable to access our email accounts or google during our stay in Pingyao...our first real taste of Chinese street food as we enjoy stir-fried noodles for 30p whilst entertaining the locals...Paul forgets he’s now in a land of midgets and draws blood as he whacks his head on a doorframe...Raising the Red Lantern at Wang’s Family Courtyard...

Rhaani waits to see if her luck’s in

....the extremely cold, underwhelming and misleading Zhangbi Underground Castle (there is no castle just lots of underground tunnels)...Rhaani’s worst toilet experience ever...

Rhaani “I don’t think the women’s toilet is finished yet”

...Paul curses himself for forgetting his camera as a supermarket brawl breaks out among pensioners queuing for flour, security guards have to be called as six octogenarians wrestle on the floor...Paul cursing himself for not being fast enough with his camera as a mother lets her two-year-old daughter pee through her leggings on the train station platform...our first experience of Chinese cattle class, our decision to go cheap on the 7hr day train to Datong backfires, fortunately after 2hrs of standing we manage to find a seat...

The only way to travel

...capitalism in action as woman hard-sells toothbrushes in train carriage...Rhaani’s superb internet bargain-hunting skills find us a 5* hotel (normal price £96 a night) for £20...our first gym workout since leaving London...Paul sets off in-room electronic safe then hides/retires to shower and lets Rhaani “explain” to maid and manager why the piercing noise won’t stop....the highlight of our day in Datong is a KFC branch... confusion and hysteria reign as we pop into local cinema and ask if Harry Potter V is showing in English or with English subtitles. After 10 minutes of painful charades/pictionary reinforcements are called and the English speaking women from around the block tells us no...

A rare moment of interest in Zhangbi

...our hotel turns out to be wedding reception central and no less than five wedding banquets are prepared for Saturday...we reckon with our newly found celebrity status we can easily have a free night on the beers if we pay casual visits to the various celebrations... to our dismay we return from a day’s non-sightseeing to find that Chinese weddings are massively tame events and end before 4pm...Rhaani prepares for our coldest day yet with a carefully planned out 5-layer ensemble: Skins thermal top and bottoms, t-shirt, ice-breaker thermal jumper, North Face extra thick fleece jacket and Mountain Equipment Down Jacket, hands are covered by gloves then skiing mittens. Unfortunately she forgets about her feet and bizarrely opts for lightweight gym socks and a pair of Nike Free 2.0 – Nike’s lightest running shoes...

ready for the cold

now with a bit of dry-walling I could have this mess all cleared up for you in a flash

...probably the best day tour ever! The spectacular Yung gang grotto (craps all over Santa’s) and the gravity defying Hanging Monastery. Both are simply stunning and only a 2hr drive apart. The grotto features over 40 caves in which statues are carved into cave and cliff walls. Stunning and a must see for anyone who visits China ... Rhaani’s no1 sight so far...obtaining student discounts after persuading ticket office worker that our drivers licences were student cards, even though my Paul’s UK licence has pictures of cars and vans on it (sorry Buddha but we are on a budget)...Buddha immediately seeks repayment as Paul is forced to get out and push taxi as snow and ice threatens to prevent visit to Hanging Monastery...the Monastery is a feat of engineering beauty and is built into cliffs 40m off ground....Rhaani informs vertigo suffering tourist the way out is by climbing higher in the precarious structure....

inside or out, both pretty special

TRAVELLERS TIT-BIT: thanks to China’s one family one child law the country is facing a massive child-obesity problem as parents - and especially grandparents - spoil their children rotten.

because everyone knows a fag is essential for good bowel movements

MOST RECENTLY LOST: our £5.60 deposit that we forgot to pick up from the hostel in Pingyao, Rhaani is currently bombarding them with requests to sent the money to Beijing.

UP NEXT: Beijing

XIAN and around

 

the world’s hardest jigsaw puzzle

WHERE: FORMER Chinese capital city XIAN and surrounding area including the Terracotta Warriors and Hua Shan mountain

WHERE (less detailed): still the People’s Republic of China

now that’s the sort of view you expect after climbing for 4hrs

WEATHER: surprisingly lovely clear sunshine

TEMPERATURE: 16-19

no idea what the ribbons are for but they improve pics of Paul no end

FOOD IS: a lot nicer than in Chengdu. Ate at two of the Lonely Planet recommended spots including one place where we ordered a 3.8m long piece of noodle in some soup. You’re still expected to use chopsticks to cut and eat it. Cue numerous soup stains on t-shirts. Went to another soup place where you are given big hard discs of bread which you have to break up into your bowel then return to the waitress who then pours the lamb and garlic soup onto the crumbled bread. Unfortunately we had no idea of this ritual so sat for 40mins waiting for them to bring the soup while they waited for us to break up the bread.


So that’s how it’s done

A PINT of BEER COSTS: between 40p and £3.50 depending on which bar/club you buy them at.

LOCALS: again pretty friendly. All the staff in the hostels speak pretty good English. None of the taxi drivers do while the serving staff in shops are just as bad. We have discovered a way around this and managed to buy a presentation laser pen which we use to point at the picture menus behind the counters.

“Darkness falls across the land, the midnight howlers close at hand....”

HIGHLIGHTS, LOWLIGHTS: We meet our first travel buddy; Brian a 42-year-old San Franciscan surgeon whose taking 12 months off to try and satisfy his fetish for Oriental ladies, he shows us his two girlfriends back in California, both nurses and of Vietnamese heritage. He also spends 50 per cent of his time with us texting the four Chinese ladies he has met so far in China...

tell me Rhaani, is that an Asian name?

...the Terracotta Warriors, the place looks nothing like you imagine but is inspiring nonetheless, interestingly only one warrior was found intact and the rest have allegedly been painstakingly put back together. Considering there were 7,999 broken warriors I can’t help but think a few archaeologists shaved a little piece off here and jammed in a piece in there to speed matters up...

paul with carefully “restored” warriors

...on our first big night out in China Rhaani accidently leads us into to a Chinese Strip Club (old habits die hard), Rhaani’s bad luck continues as she first is left to fend off (more fight then fend) the advances of an overly amorous Chinese ‘businessman’ and then is served “the most disgusting glass of wine I’ve ever tasted” - although she did manage to struggle her way to the bottom of the bottle...

Xian city centre, a bit more impressive than Centre Point (but admittedly lacking a pool club).

...as Rhaani shakes off a cold Brian drags a still hungover Paul out for a second night in a row. Paul and Brian go to an ash-tray of a Chinese nightclub - a lit cigarette seems to have replaced Chairman Mao’s little red book in popular culture as no local is seen without one all night. At the club Brian tells Paul he knows basic Chinese and orders the beers. “I think it’s cheaper if you buy 6 bottles,” he says. “Okay, I think I can managed my three” replies Paul. Brian orders and Paul’s heart sinks as the waitress brings over a case of 24 beers and loads them on the table in front of him...

a little bit nicer than Primrose Hill or Arthur’s Seat

...finding the single-most annoying Canadian ever next to us on our visit to the Terracotta Warriors, despite boasting that he had a major hangover he didn’t shut up for the entire trip... talking to an Italian guy who paid £55 for a Chinese imitation iPhone 4. Apart from the shell it was laughably poor... taking a relaxing 14km bike ride on the old city wall - Jaipur take note... visiting Hua Shan Mountain, home to some classic and frightening Chinese scenery...

okay mum whatever you do, don’t look down

...after being scared rigid by some old travel blogs describing wood planks around sheer drop mountains we take the “easy” route up the mountain and find ourselves faced with 2km of the steepest steps we’ve ever seen...

...Paul shows he’s a true “glass is half full” type of person when, bearing in mind our last mountain experience was blighted by thick fog, he says “It’s just a shame it’s such a lovely day, we could have done with a bit of fog...

all I’m saying is that with a little fog it could look spectacular

...Paul and Rhaani show that despite becoming worldwide bloggerstars they still find time for the little people...


...Paul and Rhaani get into the swing of Chinese bartering in the Muslim quarter, we offer £2 for everything, despite starting prices of as much as £83, we manage to pick up a Chairman Mao t-shirt, a chairman Mao watch, two pairs of sunglasses and a wallet...

TRAVELLERS TIT-BIT: the Terracotta Warriors were discovered by this farmer who was trying to build a well. He then generously “donated” his land to the government and in return was allowed to sit in the Terracotta Warrior gift shop where he signs autographed pictures of his book. I can’t really see too many twists in that one: “I were digging a great big hole and I found a pottery statue, then the bastard government stole me land. The end.” Also every single warrior has a different face and was based on an real life soldier - who was then killed by the mad-as-a-hatter emperor.

bastard government

MOST RECENTLY LOST: at the end of the 24 beer night Paul was convinced he had lost his iPhone only to find it recharging in the room. After a few minutes caressing his beloved Paul returned to Rhaani and went to bed.

PRICE PAID FOR PAUL’s BARGAIN CHAIRMAN MAO WATCH: £2

MINUTES UNTIL PAUL’s BARGAIN CHAIRMAN MAO WATCH STOPPED WORKING: 15, but it does work if you wind it up every 15mins

it’s working again, no it’s not, yes it is, no it’s...

***new feature****

SACK THE TRANSLATOR: sign found at top of Hua Shan mountain

I know the trek up is tiring but really I’m fine just admiring the view.

UP NEXT: Pingyao, setting for the incredibly boring, arty chick-flick “Raise the Red Lantern.”

THREE GORGES RIVER CRUISE, YANGTZE RIVER, CHINA

 

Good work God

WHERE: THREE GORGES YANGTZE RIVER CRUISE, travelling through Sichuan and Hubei provinces

WHERE (less detailed): the People’s Republic of China

before the 3 Gorges Dam the river was 90 metres lower

WEATHER: surprisingly warm. Not shorts and t-shirt but some clear sunshiney days for lounging on the top deck, no shuffle board though.

TEMPERATURE: as we weren’t able to get internet connection on the boat I can only guess at around 17-19. Warmer than London I hope.

stick with me and I’ll show you the world

FOOD IS: good, best of all it came with English translation so we finally knew what we were eating. The Chinese are the fastest eaters ever and everyone wants to be the first one in the line. Dinner would be served at 6pm and by 6.20pm we would be the only ones in the dining hall.

A BEER COSTS: Rhaani’s happy hour glass of beer costs £2.20!

LOCALS: absolutely clueless to personal space and running the Indians’ a close second for appalling table manners. Mouth wide open as they slurp another mouthful of noodles. In addition I forget the number of times I had someone try and walk through me. After getting my food at the buffet I would turn around and be blocked off by three Chinamen who refused to move despite me having absolutely nowhere else to go..... our fellow cruisers were 80 per cent Beijing Chinese tourists and 20 per cent retired Nothern British pensioners. It was like Last of the Summer Wine on location.

puts things into perspective

HIGHLIGHTS, LOWLIGHTS: Rhaani’s nerves are put through the wringer when, with the ship departing in just over an hour Paul announces he’s not prepared to pay the on-board price of £3 for a can of coke and high-tails it to the town’s only western supermarket to buy 27p 500ml bottles of Pepsi Max, x 5.... our initial joy at the high quality of our cabin - it had its own balcony, sliding double glazed doors and en-suite – was soon replaced by despair when the boat left the harbour and the room started to shake like a powerplate/paint mixing machine - a situation that continued throughout the entire cruise. Our chances of getting a good sleep plummeted on discovering that our mattresses consisted of a single cotton sheet pulled over industrial springs. It was like trying to sleep on an oven grill....

Rhaani relaxes after a hard days pap

 .... our first meal on the boat. Despite the appearance of “Gruel” on the buffet it was quite edible especially after we added the Heinz Tomato sauce, St Dalfour Strawberry Jam and the Muesli we managed to find in the western supermarket .... Rhaani’s delight at being able to understand our first English speaking guide on our shore excursions.... a misty Day 1 with poor visibility has us worried that we might just have signed up for a three-day sight-seeing tour of fog...Paul leaves Rhaani on the viewing deck of the ship and comes back to find her in the midst of a pap-attack...

Things don’t look too good

...our joy at waking the next day to a clear blue sky...our awe-inspiring daytrip to the lesser 3-gorges.... Our bewilderment as our guide shows us pictures of how much better the gorges looked before the water level rose 300ft while telling us how horrible it was before because large soul-less commercial boats like ours couldn’t travel along it....Rhaani’s hypnotised by the most coiffed hair in China...

look into my coif

...safe in the knowledge that the Chinese people sharing our dinner table can’t speak English Paul repeatedly insults the fat ugly Chinese kid who steals all the food. At the end of our final meal his mother walks passed and says to Paul “I hope you enjoy your time in China, it was nice to meet you”...having the worst beer shots with some of the politest Chinese drunks ever....X-factor China style, on the final night the ship’s crew puts on a talent show and sing their heart out. One useless receptionist should actually give up the day job and aim for the stars....first night - Captain’s welcome dinner, second night - Captain’s farewell dinner....

running out of scenery related captions

TRAVELLERS TIT-BIT: over 1.5million Chinese were forced out of their homes by the creation of the 3-Gorges Dam. The building of the 1.5mile long dam raised the river level by 90m flooding countless villages. The official party line is that these residents, mainly farmers, “sacrificed their homes” to move as far away as Shanghai (over 1000miles away) so that the 3-Gorges dam could be built. On the plus side the government did issue the people a collective medal which can be found in the Chongqing Museum

more beautiful scenery

THE CHINESE EAT WHAT?: Blueberry flavoured potato crisps. Another gallant effort to make it easier to meet your 5-a-day fruit quota.

some things just don’t work

MOST RECENTLY LOST: our chain that locks our bags together

UP NEXT: Xian (pronounced Shi-an as we are constantly corrected), home to the fantastically-awesome Terracotta Warriors.