ISLA MUJERES

I can't figure out how to turn the photo but I think you get the idea that it's a ruddy great fish

WHERE: ISLA MUJERES
WHERE (less detailed): a little island off the coast of Cancun
WHEN: t-34 to t-32

the now obligatory pic of white sand and palm trees, yawn

WEATHER IS: hot hot hot. Unbelievably hot. The day we do an excursion we are out of the room by 7:15am and already it's UK summer hot. Thankfully we have a white sand beach and crystal clear blue ocean just yards from our hotel room.
FOOD IS: not the best Mexican we've had but still good tacos.
A MEAL COSTS: £4 a head
A BEER COSTS: £1.25

and the now equally as boring sunset

PEOPLE ARE: unfair to those organised enough to book ahead. While Paul wilts in the glaring heat Rhaani finds us a beachfront hotel whose advertised rates say £60 a night while walk-in Rhaani  is offered a room for £30.
HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: without a doubt, the whale shark trip. Not even originally on our "to do" list we somehow fumble our way into the experience of a lifetime. Over 30ft long and totally harmless - we hope - whale sharks are the size of buses. Luckily for us we arrive at that rare moment when they all come at once. There must have been 20-30 of them, all gliding within a few feet of us. The first sighting of them takes your breathe away. Some of them are actually larger than our boat, a fact quickly illustrated as they glide under and around us. You are told not to touch them but for some reason our guide grabs Rhaani's hand, makes her touch it then puts her hand inside the things mouth, amazing ... the pristine beach and waters and the beach front bar with swings and sundown Sol beers... unfortunately not the tourist strip which serves up bad pizza and even worse souvenirs ... coming from Caye Caulker and Roatan we had expected a similarly laid-back town but unfortunately we arrived about a decade too late and the place is a little too touristy to be an island paradise ...

so just to recap, there were bloody great big fish, loads of 'em

DID YOU KNOW: in Mexican McDonalds' - our air-con haven while we wait 2hrs for our bus ride out of town - they hand out green Jalepino sauce saches along with the ketchup and serve only breakfast options until noon
UP NEXT: MERIDA, yet another pretty colonial town. By our reckoning this will be the 879th such town we've visited in the Americas. Fortunately it's also our base for day-trips to the Mayan ruins of Uxmal and Chichen Itza

TULUM

WHERE: TULUM
WHERE (less detailed): the Caribbean coast of Mexico
WHEN: 5 weeks to go till home
WEATHER: worryingly the streets are filled with puddles when we arrive but brilliant sunshine for our day in Tulum

ruins-lite, culture at 11am

FOOD IS: best Fajitas ever at a restaurant around the corner. And free nachos and dip - funny crisps and sauce mum - everywhere we go. The only thing better than free stuff is free stuff you like
A BEER COSTS: 60p for a standard bottle of Sol or Corona. A 1.25litre of Sol comes in at ￡2
PEOPLE ARE: no-speakey de English, although it's surprising how much pigeon Spanish we remember.
TEMPERATURE: hot, at least 39

cheap beer and cheap ice-cream, what's not to love about Mexico

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: Tulum is very similar to the mullet haircut. With a mullet the top is all business, the back all fun. With Tulum you get your culture fix with the spectacular Mayan ruins that overlooks the beach - Rhaanis declared home if she was a Mayan - then a short walk away is a beautiful white sand beach and torquoise ocean. Accordingly we spent the morning visiting the ruins an the aftenoon sipping Sol on the beach.

and beach by 11.30am

UP NEXT: Isla Mujeres (Island of Women - calm down Raj)

CAYE CAULKER

Charles in charge. At 3GBP's for lobster curry he certainly was

WHERE: CAYE (pronounced key) CAULKER
WHERE (less detailed): a tiny Caribbean island off the coast of Belize
WHEN: t-40 to t-37

okay who's next to hold a shark?

WEATHER: cloudy but then brilliant sunshine as we snorkel -with hilarious consequences.
FOOD IS: amazing!!!! Lobster heaven. After what seems like a lifetime of fried chicken, rice and beans, and some disappointing lobster selections in Panama and Roatan, we are treated to some of the best lobster on the planet - including amazing ￡3 curried lobster from Charles the street vendor.

with scenery this awesome why rush?

PEOPLE ARE: so relaxed they're almost horizontal. Paul's brisk walk to try and buy a second serving of curried lobster is met with cries of "cool your engines mon" from lazing locals. The next day an exhausted cyclist catches up to a walking Rhaani and tells her "why you want walk so fast? You in Belize now"

okay I appreciate the shark might have been a little scary, my apologies, moving on, who wants to hold the stingray?

TEMPERATURE: 34-38
A BEER COSTS: 6 Belizean Belikan beers costs ￡6
DINNER COSTS: ￡13 for the biggest fresh lobster on the island. ￡8 for two almighty sized lobster skewers.

for some reason the Belizean "drink responsibly" campaign just wasn't having the desired effect

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: incredibly the food takes second place behind the amazing snorkeling. We swam with and stroked sharks (nurse, but still sharks) turtles and stingrays - although following the death of Stevo Irwin we were a little hesitant about petting the stingrays ... Rhaani's bikini bottoms inexplicably changed position exposing some virginal white bum cheek which subsequently turned a British shade of burnt.... Rhaani's burnt bottom means we hide away from the sun and watch a Harry Potter marathon... our love of lobster kebabs and lazy sunbaking forces us to stay another night.... Paul takes advantage of our English-speaking surroundings by getting a hair-cut - his first since India. Turns out the Belizeans must eat plenty of carrots as the hairdresser cut his hair in a dark room with the lights off.

try telling that to Steve Irwin

THINGS LOST/STOLEN: still managing to hold onto the rest of our stuff
UP NEXT: TULUM Mexico, home to some ruins that lie on the beach. More worryingly into our final country (as Paul refuses to count our 5 days in the USA as part of the trip).

TIKAL

Tikal Ruins, home to the ancient Mayans and also a location in the original Star Wars movie

WHERE: TIKAL ruins
WHERE (less detailed):)the northern bit of GUATEMALA
WHEN: less than six weeks before we head home
WEATHER: torrential rail in Flores, the town close to Tikal, but nicely clouded when we do our tour. When the clouds cleared we were in danger of melting.

Paul in the central plaza

FOOD IS: the crushed ice lemon soda was amazing. The chicken skewers weren't too far behind. The mojitos were a hell of a lot further behind.
PEOPLE ARE: from the loud and overbearing land of the United States. Tikal is tourist central with old half deaf American tourists raising the volume level. Our Tikal local guide used the phrase "if you want" at least once every 30s but was awesome regardless.
TEMPERATURE: in the glaring heat, at least 42.

Rhaani poses but keeps one eye out for the monkeys

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: the night spent in Honduras' very own Bates motel during our two day pilgrimage to Tikal would probably fall into the lowlight category ... the "ferry" from Honduras to Belize would also be  in that category ... finally being able to speak English as we enter former British colony Belize is certainly a highlight ... having Belizian "herbalist" Roco entertain us throughout one of the 3-buses we took through Belize ... the Tikal ruins of course fall into the highlight group, although not as decorative as other Mayan sights it's location in the middle of a jungle gives it a real "lost world" feel... braving the rivers of rain water surging through the streets to catch happy hour ...

our "ferry" to Belize

THINGS LOST/STOLEN: nowt more
UP NEXT: back to Belize and the Lilt-advert inspiring Caye Caulker island where no cars are allowed and golf-buggies serve as taxis.

BAY ISLANDS

NOTE: we would have brought you awesome underwater pictures of fish and coral but our shit OLYMPUS TOUGH underwater camera broke in Cambodia and the equally shit on-line retailer SIMPLY ELECTRONICS failed to get it repaired in time for Julie's parents to bring it over to us in Costa Rica.

Roatan, Honduras, worth putting on your holiday destination lists.

WHERE: ROATAN, BAY ISLANDS
WHERE (less detailed): three small Honduran islands off the Caribbean coast of the country
WHEN: t-50 till -46
WEATHER: before we arrived we checked the 7-day forecast and were told there was a 60pc chance of thunderstorms. Fortunately for us we enjoyed beautiful sunshine most days with only a single cloudy day

the view from our sun-downer bar

FOOD IS: a sore point. For some reason while scuba diving is obscenely cheap (￡20 a dive) food was extorbitantly expensive with a cheap lunch costing the same as a dive. We did find an awesome sushi place but their Caribbean attitude towards opening hours - whenever they felt like it - meant our much-anticipated final night sushi fell through.
PEOPLE ARE: all western divers enjoying the easy life
TEMPERATURE: mid-30's. Paul's gotten so used to wearing singlets and board shorts that he referred to another pair of shorts and a cotton t-shirt as "dressing up"

us, still in the sun-downer

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: the scuba diving would have been a clear, hands-down winner were it not for the breathtaking happy hour Mojitos at the sundowner, oceanfront bar that faced our hotel... we happily concede that sitting on a bar decking, drinking amazing Mojitos while watching the sun-set is holidaying and in now way traveling ... Happy hour being 4pm-6pm meant that our nights tended to end early...

two minutes from our new hotel

 ...the diving was superb and far better than Thailand ... amazingly the reefs lie within 200m of the beach so travel time to them is a matter of minutes ... Even the snorkeling is amazing, you can wade out to waist high crystal clear water and see thousands of colorful fish... Paul turns green with envy as Rhaani snorkels with the dolphins "one of the best things ever!" is Rhaani's review ... learning its not always better to plan ahead ...

Rhaani makes a new friend at the dolphin show

... our $40 a night, tripadvisor and lonely-planet recommended hotel room is pretty disappointing being a fair walk away from the beach. Later that day an oceanside dive shop offers us a nicer room, with cable tv (Wimbledon) for $20. Paul gets the job of canceling our x5 night booking ... Wasting hours trying to track down the Haye v Klitchko fight ...

with a few fancy tricks

THINGS LOST/STOLEN: nothing more to add.
UP NEXT: a two day bus/bus/bus/boat/bus/bus/bus/bus ride to famed GUATEMALAN ruins TIKAL

LEON/GRENADA

as close to a convent school as Rhaani ever got

WHERE: Leon and Granada
WHERE (less detailed): two colonial towns in Nicaragua
DAYS: 55-50 days to go
PEOPLE ARE: more American than previous cities in Central American. Large groups of teenage Americans seem to be present learning Spanish, doing charity work or just drinking beer and being loud.

"I was hoping for something a lot younger, but this gringo will have to do" thinks Bozo the Nicaraguan child molester

 WEATHER IS: rain, rain, rain, with some sweltering, humid heat  between downpours. You look in envy at the amazing array of vegetation and greenery around but then when the downpour starts you realise it's a high price to pay for some shrubbery.

pretty blue buildings

TEMPERATURE: 36-42 degrees
FOOD IS: Rhaani's salad longings are finally met. Paul didn't fare do well. Having not had to take malaria tablets for well over a month Paul forgot how inadvisible it is to take one on an empty stomach. Despite chowing down a hearty breakfast he was back to having an empty stomach a few moments later. The American influence meant local dishes were the exception on menus.

always look on the bright side of death

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: our plan had been to spend a day on Nicaragua's twin-volcano-boasting Island Ometepe, unfortunately heavy cloud coverage meant we could barely  see roadside trees so we abandoned the plan and headed to Leon, where Rhaani eases her disappointment with a massage - her first since leaving Thailand in March ... for the first time in Latin America we experience Indian-style in bus dining as locals jump aboard to sell their baked and fried goodies....

some cool Nicaraguan street art

 ... small bags of water replacing bottles... Kayaking around Grenada's Las Islatas until the rain started and we became wetter than if we'd capsized.... Rhaanni relives her "blue-light disco" days as the Grenada nightclubs seem to be inhabited by 17-year-olds... watching a grind and hump dance-off ... Sunday lunch at the beach ... experiencing some fantastic Nicaraguan hospitality when a local family insist on driving us back to our hotel rather letting us catching a bus ... laughing as Paul's broken Spanish is torn apart by a very chatty 9-year-old ... watching our friend Damon accidentally vandalise a piece of "non-interactive" modern art ...

Rhaani takes to the high seas

THINGS LOST/STOLEN: just the usual, with possibly a couple more travel locks thrown in for good measure. Oh the clasp on the waiststrap of Paul's backpack disappeared in Panama forcing him to rely on the "knot" school of fastening.
UP NEXT: a straight dash through Honduras and up to the Bay Islands for some scuba diving and beach time.

SAN JUAN del SUR

what the 6km hike out of Costa Rica was for

WHERE: San Juan del Sur
WHERE (less detailed): small surf town in southern Nicaragua
WHEN: t-60 to t-55
WHY: so Paul can have another chance to try and become at least a bad surfer

Rhaani and Damo (a fellow London-based Aussie) test out the Mango Daquiris

PEOPLE ARE: old friends, met up with a friend from our San Blas crossing and made new friends at Casa Olas. The hotel owner was in a constant state of war with the loud hostel next door and police reports, broken pipes and angry phone exchanges were a daily source of entertainment.
FOOD IS: the beachfront taco stand may actually have lived up to it's boast of serving the worlds best fish tacos. Our hotels breakfast pancakes were pretty terrific too.
WEATHER IS: beautiful sunshine, and unlike Costa Rica thunderstorms pass in a few minutes.

sure he's friendly, try getting that food out of his hand and see just how friendly he is

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: fish tacos at the surf-shack .... Paul finally rides the green waves ...the hotel bars honour system which saw Rhaani effortlessly adjust her family's traditional beer'o'clock time from 5pm to 1pm ... a proper infinity pool with a beautiful view ... watching local kids use sticks to poke a massively hungover friend as he lay groaning in a beachside hammock ... watching fellow guests misjudge the friendliness of Buzz, our hotels "cuddly" monkey ... watching a 50-year old mother have a drunken shit-fit/breakdown in a moving vehicle ... Paul massively misjudges the distance between the surf spot and the hotel as he decides to walk home foam the surf, two hours later he arrives home
UP NEXT: Grenada & Leon

MONTEVERDE/ARENAL VOLCANO

she's gonna blow...

WHERE: Monteverde/Volcan Arenal
WHERE (less detailed): a cloud forest (like a rainforest only with clouds providing the moisture rather than rain) and a big volcano

everything going swell inside the cloud forest

DAYS: about 9 weeks until we have to go home
PEOPLE ARE: spoiled by the Yankee dollar. The prices for everything are out of wack because far too many wealthy Americans come into town for 2-weeks and pay $5 for a soda

Until Rhaani took a spill, maybe swell wasn't the best choice of words

WEATHER IS: mainly raining, not cold British rain but continual, torrential, bounce up to your ankles, rain.
TEMPERATURE: 30-33 degrees
FOOD IS: nice enough, but again expensive. Rhaani decides to be adventerous and has a Platos Tipicos (typical local dish) which is just rice, beans and some deep-fried plantain. Nice enough but nothing too exciting. Apart from that it was your usual Westernised fare.

very pretty, but hardly sloths, frogs and monkeys

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: our cloud forest trek which yielded 0 sloths, 0 monkeys, 0 frogs and 0 toucans would have gone down as a lowlight only the guide was so enthusiastic that we don´t have the heart to criticise. The daily fog that hides Volcan Arenal and the 9hr afternoon downpour that soaks you to your bones has no such saviour. The 3hr hike to the volcanic lake would be a highlight if it wasn´t such a hard climb. Rhaani falling and spraining her ankle on the cloud forest trail was definitely a low point ... however, without a shadow of doubt the biggest pain in our collective arses was the surprise 6km walk into Nicaragua

so much for high-tailing it out of Costa Rica

. ...we are still unsure if it was due to a lorry strike or just the slowest moving customs checkpoint ever, but 6km away from the border our bus grinds to a halt and the driver announces he can take us no further and that we will have to carry our backpacks the rest of the way. 20kg backpacks, mid-day sun and an uphill walk to not make for happy bedfellows. A shitty border control guard who refused to accept x3 of our dollar notes, forcing us to leave the queue and find a nearby ATM, didn't help matters.

9am and already the fog is drifting in

On the plus side we met some wonderful fellow travellers in Costa Rica - Dave and Beth take a bow - who took the sting out of our sufferings with their great company.
THINGS LOST/STOLEN: still a sore point.

UP NEXT: NICARAGUA, supposedly a danger hotspot. I just hope would-be muggers will be happy with a haul that consists mainly of dirty underwear and brightly coloured tableclothes.

SANTA TERESA

that bloody window

WHERE: Santa Teresa/Mal Pais
WHERE (less detailed): a sleepy surf town on the Pacific coastline of Costa Rica
DAYS: t-70 to t-63

Supposedly the world's 10th best beach

PEOPLE ARE: thieving bastards!!!
WEATHER IS: hot and sticky, frequent thunder storms at night and sunshine during the day.
TEMPERATURE: 36-42 degrees
FOOD IS: homecooked so even Paul's basic pasta dishes taste amazing. Since we are putting down roots for 7-nights - a record length of time not moving in South America - we decide to treat ourselves and stay in a cabin with its own kitchen. As a result we cook for ourselves for most days and enjoy a well-earned rest from the much used restaurant phrase "Este, pero sin..." (this, but without any ..."

so far Paul looks like he knows what he's doing

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: Having stolen our laptop, back-up external memory drive with all our photos on it, paul's iPod, some cash and our camera memory card with ALL our South American photos on it is a definite lowlight. As does spending our last day at the police station filling a crime report.. despite the fact the bastard thieves forced a window open and used a 4ft pole/device to reach through iron bars and perform a 90 degree turn and unplug the laptop and grab our other valuables we still feel like the village idiots for not burying our valuables six foot underground, padlocking the hole and putting armed sentries around it (Paul fears that as a result of this experience he will follow his Dad's lead and hide jam jars and coke cans in the loft whenever he goes on holiday)....

not so sure now

... worryingly unpacking our backpacks and putting clothes on shelves amounts to a highlight .... as does being able to eat vegetables for Rhaani ... the prices of things at the local supermarkets is extortionate - ￡3 for a jar of pesto, soya sauce for ￡2, strangely Canadian Dry Ginger beer is pretty cheap... depending on the waves caught to cycles in the ocean washing machine ratio surfing is either a highlight or lowlight for Paul. The surf is big and choppy in Santa Teresa and some days the ocean turns itself into the largest paddling treadmill... the patient and easygoing Santa Teresa police who painstakingly translated our list of stolen items into a crime report, on a Sunday afternoon.

THINGS LOST/STOLEN: where to start? So our full 10 months on the road lost list amounts to: Rhaani's teva sandals, our computer lock chain, paul's sleeping bag, paul's sunglasses, Rhaani's sunglasses, Rhaani's hiking boots, a laptop, external hard drive, iPhone, cash, camera.
On the upside we do have a lot of Aztec tableclothes.

farewell to Hoolie, whose various states of sunburn was a constant state of entertainment

ALSO: Hoolie's big1 adventure draws to a close as she heads up to Tamarindo to meet her family for 2-weeks of pampering in a 4 star hotel. Many thanks to Jules for being a wonderful traveling companion - apart from the snoring.
UP NEXT: MONTEVERDE, home to a cloud forest whatever that means