BOGOTA

Super Mario/Eduardo - our culinary knight in shining armour

WHERE: BOGOTA

Rain??  Rain!!

WHERE (less detailed): capital city of COLOMBIA
DAYS: frighteningly we've got less than 100 days to go so we're now counting down the days until the end. T minus 91-87
WEATHER IS: raining!!! what the bleedin’ hell’s that all about? After a 33hr bus ride the last thing you want to do is arrive in a rainy city. Yet rain it did, and for the best part of 4 days it continued to rain.

chain of fools

PEOPLE ARE: in chains - voluntarily. The street vendors do an unusual thing where they rent out their mobile phones. To ensure no-one runs off with their devices the phones are attached to them by chains. After being told by the Bogota-residing brother of Asia-women-loving Brian that he was robbed of his iPhone at knifepoint Paul adopts a “everyone’s a suspect” approach to people.

when the sun comes out it's quite a pretty city

FOOD IS: at, Anderson's, the restaurant owned by our new bestie (best friend) amazing. Paul enjoys a mouth-watering steak with a freshly-made chipotle and strawberry sauce along with a caesar salad and hash brown on the side (far better than Gaucho, Hawksmore or Goodmans). Rhaani enjoys a delicious chicken salad. Elsewhere not so great. On our first full day in the city we opt for “traditional” fare. Paul decides that when you're non-the-wiser after reading the “English menu” it’s time to play safe. His chicken breast with  chimichurri sauce and banana fritter is actually quite nice. Always the adventurous one, Rhaani goes for Peto, which turns out to be some sort of white broth thing with white corn lumps in it. It comes with a small dish of brown sugar, not that that helps.

the view's nothing spectacular but it provides a welcome rest after walking from the trolley car to the viewing point.

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: the bus-ride to Bogota - our trip to Bogota was always going to be challenging. With flights from Quito costing in excess of £250pp we decide to take the 33hr taxi/bus journey to Bogota. The trip didn't get off to the best of starts with the ride from hostel to bus station taking 1hr alone. Thankfully our uber-helpful hostelier was on hand to ensure we get on the right bus. The 10hr drive to the Ecuadorian border isn’t too bad. Things get worse when we meet two Hooray Henrietta’s gap-year students. Bizarrely they didn’t think to bring any money with them and we end up subsidising them until Bogota. Remarkably the border crossing is relatively painless - apart from a pushy Columbian taxi-driver...

a nice church in Bogota

... From the border it's only a short 24hrs drive to Bogota. Despite decent quality roads and a relatively modern bus the journey was a nightmare. When the driver wasn’t taking corners at break-neck speed he was alternating between slamming on his breaks and gunning it. Rhaani was thrown out of her seat and onto the floor three times while Paul smacked his head against the bathroom door when foolishly answering the call of nature. It was so bad that the next morning, over 14hrs after getting off the bus, we still felt sea-sick and unsteady on our feet... thankfully we had our hostel with a wafer-thin matteress and single bed-sized covers to ease-away our misery... the Botero Museum and an afternoon studying the paintings of someone who must be a feeder ...

some girls are bigger than others

... the gold museum. After “learning” about the role gold played in the Mayan culture Rhaani finally gets to the good bit - the Museum shop. Barely a few minutes later she's in love (with a bracelet that she bought the next day - Gold encrusted backpacking, it’s the only way to go) ...

"it's amazing, it's amazing, I love it so much" - "you do realise you can't wear it until you get back to the UK or someone will chop your wrist off" - "dammit!" 

... the police Museum and the Pablo Escobar story. Our guide is a Colombian policeman. He seems especially pleased to tell us that famed drug-dealer and Medellin Cartel boss Pablo Escobar was quite the lard-ass upon capture. He seemed less excited to recall the fact that at the peak of his powers Escobar was worth $20billion...

You're knicked son! Actually Escobar only handed himself over when it was agreed that he could build himself his own jail - along with disco and swimming pool. But after a while he got bored and left.

... a trolley-ride up to the hills over-looking the city ... unfortunately it was still pretty cloudy so the view was nothing special ... Paul is ecstatic (and nearly makes Rhaani pee herself by delaying her rush to the bathroom) when he finds an electric tennis-raquet style fly swatter for Central America ...Rhaani is handed the smallest glass of wine ever ... the best lunch of our South American journey, made even more memorable when they restaurant owner (a Mexican/San Diegoan) came and sat with us for 45mins and gave us a foodies guide of Bogota and San Diego. Especially happy to hear about San Diego Sushi joint Miso Harney!...

Now don't say anything, but after breaking up with Kevin Mona's let herself go somewhat

... Julie returns from her trip to the Galapagos Islands (the flash cow flew into Bogota, and even bought 2 tickets, show-off) just in time to take a ride to the posh part of town and enjoy decent Pad Thai, Chicken Gyozas and sushi...
ITEMS LOST: Paul’s wafer thin and quite frankly useless (sorry dad) sleeping bag, at least it looks that way as the hostel in Cusco that promised to send it to us is now stalling on delivery.
UP NEXT: San Gil, adventure sports capital of Colombia.

the stunning Catherdral

WHERE: QUITO

WHERE (less detailed): capital of Ecuador

the view from the top of the Cathedral

WEATHER IS: truly four seasons in a day. Starts off beautiful sunshine, then clouds over, then starts to pour with rain, then hails, then sun again

FOOD IS: the breakfast in our hotel is a bountiful feast where we are served freshly made milkshakes and Nutella on toast.

an Angel to the north

PEOPLE ARE: our hostelier is great and even drives us the 1hr to the bus station and makes sure we get on the right bus. The street vendors outside the church love Rhaani but that might have had something to do with the four shoals she bought off them ...

they may have raped the country for gold but at least the Spanish left behind a few nice buildings

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: our 8hr day bus arrives 2hrs late dropping us off in a dodgy neighbourhood in darkness. The first three cab drivers look confused then drive off when we show them our hostel's address ... In a moment of rare stupidity we get in an ordinary car that pulls up with a cardboard 'taxi' sign on the dashboard... As we drive we wonder what the odds are that we are about to say goodbye to our money, bags, passports and possibly our kidneys ... In the end we are dropped off at the right address and the driver even waits to make sure we get in safely ...

Quito town square

...climbing the near vertical stairs to get to the steeple of the city's Cathedral ... driving around the old town being to ashamee to tell the driver that we are just looking for a Burger King ... We find a Western-style shopping plaza that has Taco Bell and Pic'n'Mix for Paul, and a Yoga strap for  Rhaani, unfortunately we have run out of cash and none of the ATM's will give us any money.

UP NEXT: a 33hr bus ride and then BOGOTA, COLOMBIA

GUAYAQUIL



the McDonald's security guard highlights just dangerous a place Guayaquil is

WHERE: GUAYAQUIL, ECUADOR

WHERE (less detailed): a port-town in South West Ecuador used as a launch pad for Galapagos trips

WHY: In Guayaquil to drop off Hoolie for her Galapagus Islands trip - too costly for our blood - and to allow Paul to make a 13hr round trip pilgrimage to Montecristi where the best Panama hats are made.

The man from Del Monte say Yes!

WEATHER IS: sunny again

FOOD IS: hard to say. After a brief 9hr overnight bus journey we arrived in Guayaquil to find out we had contracted Julies sickness and diahorrea bug. As a result eating was off the cards the next 48hrs

the mark of quality

PEOPLE ARE: our hosteliers were awesome. They allowed us to check in at 6am, have a powernap and then gave us breakfast.

(one of) Rhaani's worst nightmare

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: as soon as he had breakfast paul was back to the bus station for an I'll-advised adventure. The hostel girl said it couldn't be done in a day, Rhaani just said it was stupid. But regardless after three buses and a taxi I was at JOSE CHAVEZ FRANCO's house where Panama Hats have been made for over 70-years. A few ill-fitting attempts later I could be mistaken for the man from Del Montes ... a few toilet trips and an alley-way vomit later and I was on the bus back to Guayaquil. By 10:30pm I was back at the hostel ...

Guayaquil church

...Meanwhile Rhaani, who hates Iguanas and pigeons visits the pigeon infested Iguana Park to really bring her nausea to the fore ... a visit to the promenade wasn't quite as exciting ...

UP NEXT: QUITO,

MANCORA

obviously not Paul

A thousand apologies but due to Paul's eagerness to try and catch some waves and Rhaani's eagerness to lie on a sunlounger and catch some rays we completely forgot to take any pictures of Mancora. It wasn't that great and the suf was nowhere near this big.


WHERE: Mancora

WHERE (less detailed): north west of Peru
WEATHER IS: sunny but sometimes a little too hot to lie out - unless you're lobster Baxter
PEOPLE ARE: our French hosteliers were simply uninterested in running a hostel. The receptionist seemed to speak an entirely different language to Spanish. Thus she didn't have our booking, didn't understand "i need a towel" or "clean our room please".
FOOD IS: Fantastic everywhere apart from our hostel. A fantastic breakfast next door with pancakes and hash browns. A tasty Mexican-ish place just around the corner and a fusion-Peru place where we ate pasta.
A MEAL COSTS: £5 a head
A BEER COSTS: £2 for a Heineken
HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: Paul finally gets to use the rash vest and surf boots he's been carrying around the past 8months ... and catches some decent waves ... Rhaani finally gets to enjoy some yoga classes ... Julie gets ill (and passes it on to the rest of us)... Paul damages his surfboard and is upstaged by two 12-year-old surfer chicks ...
UP NEXT: GUAYAQUIL and a panama hat pilgrimage

LIMA

Lima, not much to look at according to LP

WHERE: LIMA WHERE (less detailed): capital of Peru

actually on closer inspection you can see what they mean

WEATHER IS: Nice and warm
PEOPLE ARE: the man who stopped us in the town square to help us out was really nice. Even telling us about a Paul McCartney concert in the town the next night. Unfortunately we had already booked our bus tickets to Mancora.

and you can see the girls can hardly contain their revulsion at this monstrosity

FOOD IS: hugely disappointing then great. After someone mentions pizza Paul decides he must have some and so we search for the most authentic looking pizzeria in town "mamma someones" and sit down. The pizza was dreadful, probably the worst I've ever had and expensive too. As Julie repeatedly and unhelpfully pointed out her lasagne was lovely. The next day we went to El Chinito, a Peruvian sandwich shop which has been around for 50-years and which features a Chinese mascot and advertising but no Chinese food. Instead you select your meat - roast beef, chicken, ham, turkey and then huge chunks of it are shoved in a tiny bread roll which immediately starts to fall apart under the weight of all that meat

the sorts of neighbourhoods you have to frequent these days for a meat-filled sandwich

HIGHLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: our hostel is beautiful and our suite features a kitchenette ... an open-top bus ride around the cliffs overlooking the promenade - Rhaani says Perth take note ... the centre of Cusco is spectacular, we wonder if anyone from lonely planet actually visited here ... the girls enjoy a taste of home as they find a Starbucks ... and an international newspaper to read in the park... the locals have an ingenious way of alleviating traffic - 2 cars to a lane. So a three lane main road has 6-cars across it while a slender slip road has 2 cars almost wedged together....

even the sea looks awful

UP NEXT: MANCORA, a sleepy surf town.

HUANCACHINA

Huancachina, a true desert oasis

WHERE: HUACACHINA

WHERE (less detailed): south Peru

a view from lower down

WEATHER IS: it can be pretty cool in the pool but otherwise it's pretty toasty.
PEOPLE ARE: the Israeili guy in our hostel who started shouting at the kitchen staff because his egg took a while to arrive was extremely annoying. He was also the loudest exhailer of cigarette smoke in the world which infuriated paul. The club promoter who stood outside his empty venue repeatedly promising the "most happening club in Peru" deserves points for trying.

the girls enjoy the surroundings

FOOD IS: average. Rhaani managed to find salad which was a step up. We discovered that the list of ingredients on menus are more a guide than a promise as Rhaani's chicken with asparagus featured ham rather than asparagus while her chicken salad came sans chicken
A MEAL COSTS: £5 a head
A BEER COSTS: £1 for a Heineken bottle

Paul not so much so

HIGHTLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: without doubt the dune-buggy desert ride. Felt just like a roller-coaster ride but with a very real chance of rolling over...the girls have the real fun as they body board down the 70 degree slopes across te desert while Paul slowly saloms his way down standing on his board ....

Rhaani shows the fastest way to get to the bottom

... the view from the sand dunes behind the hostel that served as our morning stroll ... one morning Rhaani passes a drunk Englishman lying halfway up begging to be dragged to the top and claiming to have been stuck their for hours (Rhaani left him to die)... Meeting a couple we swore looked familiar and realising we spoke to them for 10mins in Nepal up a mountain...

Alton Towers could do with one of these

UP NEXT: LIMA, which according to LonelyPlanet a bit underwhelming

you know travelling the world's not all fun, fun, fun

CUSCO and MACHU PICCHU




Voted one of the new 7-wonders of the world, and you can see why

Paul would like to take this opportunity to apologise to his friend Raj for all the abuse he gave him for taking the train to Machu Picchu instead of walking the Inca trail. This apology is genuine and heartfelt and is in no way prompted by the fact that we are so sick and tired of hiking that we bailed on doing one of the worlds most famous and beautiful treks and instead took the train too...

WHERE: CUSCO

not quite sure what these kids were celebrating but they seemed to be enjoying it

WHERE (less detailed): south Peru



a word of warning, there are quite a few of these pics

WEATHER IS: still hot, although pretty cold at night.

a rare pic that doesn't feature Mount Wayna Picchu (the steep mountain at the back)

PEOPLE ARE: unable to walk down the street without bumping into Rhaani. Hilariously o-one else seems to suffer.

Rhaani makes a new friend

FOOD IS: very good. We opt for an awesome local Nandos-style place and a remarkably good Chinese.


and we're back to MP, this time from Machu Picchu mountain

A MEAL COSTS: £3-4 a head

a welcome (for the male readers at least) change of scenery

A BEER COSTS: £2 for a large Indian restaurant sized bottle.

Rhaani and the ruins

HIGHTLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: Cusco, a strange city, within four blocks and it goes from being a dump we have to get out of now to a beautiful old colonial gem ... Paul fires himself up with righteous indignation before going to demand our £400 Inca Trail deposit back, despite cancelling with only 36hrs notice ...

MP from the Sun Gate

...amazingly, and through no credit to Paul we receive a full refund, minus a £25 administration fee ... walking to the town square and seeing an awesome parade of uniformed and flag waving school children ... Rhaani and Julie scour the town in search of a bar that opens at 3:30am and is showing the royal wedding... unsurprisingly they return disappointed ... Paul spends 90mins at the post office and has his fingerprints taken as he sends his hiking boots, Rhaanis sleeping back, our winter gloves and some table clothes home - £35 for 5kg ... Paul opts against a 4am royal wedding viewing ... Paul stumbles upon the Miss teen South America pagent ...

we definitely still going to Ecuador aren't we? asks Paul

...the amazing local arts and crafts markets seem to stock the exact same locally produced goods as we saw in Bolivia ... Macha Picchu, there are few sights that would excuse a 3:30am wake-up call ( a royal wedding not being one of them) but the hugely impressive MP ruins are one of them, not so great once you're in and around it, but a spellbinding sight from the hill ...

Julie and.. yes I think it's the ruins

...while some North Carolinian grandma's feed Paul on the train on the way back from the ruins Rhaani finds the cure for asthma after sitting next to a Japanese doctor ... the train staff put on a bizarre fashion show on the way back ... after a long long day we arrive back in Cusco and head straight to the English themed pub for a Sunday roast with Yorkshire puddings!

the theme continues..

UP NEXT: ICA, literally an oasis in the desert and home to more sandboarding and dune buggy adventures.

COPACOBANA & ISLA DEL SOL

nice, but deinitely not the "hottest spot suth of Havana"

WHERE: COPACOBANA
WHERE (less detailed): about two hours west of La Pa. On the shores of Lake Titikaka and not far fom Peru
WEATHER IS: hot, but the altitude (3000m) means you're more concerned with catching your breathe than catching some sun.

bless me father for i have sinned. It's been three weeks since my last oil change

PEOPLE ARE: everywhere, as well as being the title to a very bad Barry Manilow song Copacobana is also the must-visit Easter Retreat destination for thousands of Bolivians. The town is packed with tents all along the beach and scruffy little kids running everywhere. According to locals any crime is caused by those pesky Peruvians who cross the border looking for trouble.
FOOD IS: Copacobana is yet another culinary desert ... while Paul enjoys a fantastic beef goulash Rhaani waits 40mins for a piece of cold chicken covered in congealed sauce...the next night we return to the same restaurant and Paul and Julie have cold beef goulash, Rhaani only has to wait a further 30mins for some more cold chicken.

stations of the cross at the top of the hill

HIGHTLIGHTS/LOWLIGHTS: ... turns out our 6:30am departure from La Paz isn't strictly true as we spend two hours driving around La Paz before leaving the city ... Rhaani and Julie nearly give themselves strokes walking up the town's big hill while Paul stays in the hostel trying to get Olympic tickets ...

Julie does her bit for the Easter Sunday celebrations by downing a bottle of the blood of christ

... Easter Sunday and the locals commemorate the rising of Christ by going to the Cathedral and having their cars, vans and lorries blessed by a priest - along with holy water and rose petals. Supposedly this is a much preferred alternative to car insurance ... a day trip on the slowest boat ever to Isla del Sol - according to the Inca's the birthplace of the sun but I'm almost certain that's not scientifically accurate ...

waiting for the downhill bit to begin

Julie's "downhill" walk turns out to be anything else as the girls' weary legs take another pounding up and down and up and down. The boat drops you off at the top of the island and you have 6hrs to walk 8km around the island and meet at the pick-up point in the south ... we visit Lonely Planet's top pick Burger joint where, twenty minutes after ordering a burger, we see a kitchen-hand climb on his motorbike and drive off. Fifteen minutes later he returns with a bagfull of burger patties. Five minutes later the same kitchen-hand gets back on his bike and drives off again. Ten minutes later he returns with a bag of hamburger buns. Paul's burger finally arrives, but not his chips... 

It might have been an ancient ceremonial table, but for us its the perfect spot for lunch

... Stranded in Copacobana? Yet another blockade - this time in Peru - means our 9am bus is cancelled and no-one is sure when the blockades will be lifted ... we decide to cover all bases and book tickets for the 6pm bus as well as booking a room at the hotel we just left for another night ... as luck would have it the 6pm bus is running and we're out of there ... Rhaani finally gets to use her well rehearsed "Ola banditos" line as renegade blockaders demand 1sole per passenger (23p) to let us through.

the girls at Chincan ruins

THINGS LOST: Julie gets off the mark when she leaves her sleeping bag on the bus.
UP NEXT: Peru, specifically Cusco, jump off point for the Inca Trail and the Machu Picchu ruins.